The Difference between "Quitting" and "Winning"

A very wise man, Drew Jacobs, the Rogue Priest, wrote these words:

One of the reasons you don’t want to quit is because of sunk costs and cognitive dissonance: the idea that you already invested so much that it’d be stupid to give up now.

The other big reason is that people tend to assume the future will be better than the present.

Staying the course for either of these reasons is like staying in a bad relationship long after the love’s over. I remember asking a friend, after a messy breakup, if he thought I should give it one more try with her.

“That depends,” he told me. “What’s going to be different?”

Ultimately, that is the litmus test for any cool-it-or-blow situation. Every pattern in your life has momentum. If that momentum isn’t taking you where you want, then the future will not be better—no matter how much you’ve already invested—unless you can change some key part of your situation today. Ask yourself honestly: can you?

If you can, then you might be able to shift the momentum for the better. That is called WINNING.

If you can’t, then you should get off the train before it takes you any farther.That is also called WINNING.

Or you could keep on without changing the momentum. It may seem easiest, it may save face, but that is called LOSING.

***********************

Here is the whole article:

http://roguepriest.net/2011/06/09/should-you-cool-it-or-should-you-blow/

***********************

I am an independent woman...I answer to no one but me, I am woman, hear me mew.  I have always been this way and I always will be. When I make a decision I expect it to Always be the Right One, Dammit.  Then I met My Hubby, Computer Geek Extraordinaire.  He is very Logical and Reasonable and he usually doesn't make a decision based on emotions (and I am fairly certain he is not a Cylon).  He has a tendency to ruin any of my decisions because of Logic (because we can't afford it...because we have no time for it...because there are enough videos of cats singing on the internet, etc.)


After 12 years of being a Stay at Home Mom I was feeling restless.  I had nothing to do and my kids were in school.  I made the decision to get a job.  It had to fit certain parameters...it had to be morning hours, Monday thru Friday, Part Time and easy to get to.  Believe it or not, I FOUND A JOB THAT FIT THOSE PARAMETERS.  I was thrilled!  Money! Prestige! Free Lunches every month!  I get to dress up! WOOT!


Then REALITY set in...First, I never had "nothing" to do...but now I was doing all of that "nothing" plus the job...think playdates and Girl Scout Coordination and teacher conferences.  All the hours I worked were hours the kids were at school but now I had to try to fit in errands while on the job.  I never had any sort of  break - going from work to home.  The job was ok but nothing to be thrilled about.  It was a job, sometimes it would be great and sometimes it would be miserable.  I was still the on-call person for the kids because my job was the most flexible, so I would have to race home to get a sick kid or deal with snow days.  I started to hate the fact that my kids needed my attention, or that when I would get a moment of peace the phone would ring and I would "have" to answer it...because it was one of my many obligations.   I started to really stress about every moment of our busy lives...the life I scheduled because we can "make time".  To top it off, upper management at the job decided to make it more difficult to do by using ONLY Voice Mail (no Email or Cell Phones...*facepalm*).


My Hubby and I talked a lot about all of this.  I maintained that I was bringing in money and this is my decision.  He maintained that I was more stressed out then ever and making everyone in the house...let's just say "less than thrilled".   We then laid out money for Summer Camp (because you have to schedule those things in MARCH) and he and I both realized that all of the money I would make for the summer was going to camp.  And he said "Ummm, hold it...let's really think about this..."


We realized that it came down to:
1) The job is neat and the hours are good but its not the most stimulating job ever
2) I was  getting more stressed and less healthy
3) There were no obligations that I was willing to give up
4) When I am home, I don't do "nothing", I do "everything"
5) Staying home is a valid decision and it can be happy


As a dear lady said to me yesterday morning, I am Blessed that I am able to stay at home.  I know there are many MANY people who want to do what I can do and they can't.  And I am sorry.  I am very grateful that I have this, I just want to do more...and My Hubby has said, "You do enough".


So in doing "enough", I am going to try to paint some rooms and move furniture around so each of the kids have their own rooms by the time we actually have a TEENAGER (less than 3 months!).  I am going to sew, because sewing and quilting makes me happy.  I am going back to the gym, because I need to be healthy...and I can do this now.   In September I am going to go and help my awesome public school by being a teacher's helper three times a week...and if that doesn't work out then I will find something else...because, and I am still trying to grasp this, my life isn't defined by the job I get, but by the job I do...and I do "enough".