There has been alot of stress and busy-ness in my life and I haven't had a chance to think about spiritual things or even put into words the wonderfulness/ridiculousness of my kids. In other words, I got nothing.
Sometimes life is like that I guess. You get so bogged down in the day to day movement of your world that you can't stop and think...you are always moving to the next thing. I try to remember to breathe and say thanks but sometimes its enough that at the end of the day you fed the kids and got them safely home and you are folding laundry while watching The Daily Show.
So when I have nothing and I want to just be, and maybe find a smile or 2, here are the places I go on the Web:
Growing up with a bakery in the family makes me love Cake Wrecks. I can't understand how a bakery would put out anything like the things on this site and Jen is really snarky.
With a love of nerdy things Epbot is fun to browse, also written by Jen of Cake Wrecks.
The new craze Pinterest is highly addicting as its just pictures from all over the web. There is alot of crafty and inspirational stuff as well as humor and art...and you can "pin" these to your own "board" so you can find that craft that you have wanted to do for years and stare at the picture while still not doing it... guilty as charged...
Getting back to the geek, my hubby turned me on to xkcd a web comic that appears every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Sometimes I go to eBay to look for teacups (or Coach bags) or Etsy to look for jewelry (or funky sweaters).
The Bloggess is amazing, inspiring, hilarious and has made me want to go out and get a red dress and start it traveling.
This should be just enough web-surfing for those in between books and appointments and I have 15 minutes before the next thing and I want to see a pretty picture.
You're Welcome.
Happy Leap Day!
DM
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Listening to your Inner Voice...NOT
I am a pretty confidant person. I can be outlandish and I like dressing up and being crazy. I don't mind people staring at me and mostly I welcome it.
But here is a secret, I can't stand staring at myself.
I am overweight. I have been this way my whole life...I am always 20-50 lbs more than I should be. I have been working on being fit since July. I have been walking 3 miles a day 3-4 days a week increasing my speed so I am almost jogging. No, I am not on any diet plan but I have been watching what I eat and I have cut out alot of stuff and toned down others...and I haven't really lost any weight.
That isn't to say that my body isn't changing from my efforts. I feel good. My t-shirts don't seem so snug. So that is good.
I went to a yoga class on Saturday where everyone was pretty thin or at least athletic. No one (except me from what I could see) was visibly overweight. Now, I might be overweight but I am damn flexible and I was able to hold my own in almost all the poses...except plank.
I can't plank. I can't get my toes to cooperate with my elbows and haul myself up off that floor. I can't - it hurts too much. So I try to do what I can (tensing all my muscles to a variation of plank) and I move on.
But then I looked in the mirror and all the hate filled words came tumbling out. "You are so fat, you can't even plank, this was a stupid idea, you can't do anything right, you will never look like them, you should stop trying, you are a failure."
This is my inner bitch. She is my inner voice that tells me that I am a failure, a nobody, a horrible mom and a stupid person...and I let her do it...almost every day. She berates me for not doing something right or for making a wrong choice. She is very mean and unsupportive. She has always been the voice that would stop me from doing anything because there was a possibility that I might fail.
In other words she is usually not the best voice to listen to when you can't do a particular pose.
The instructor for the yoga class moved onto other poses and I did too. Then she had us sit comfortably and take a ribbon from the floor and slowly wrap it up, folding it onto itself. She told us to feel the ribbon and the workings of our hands and wrists and to present the ribbon when it is done like a flower. I did what she asked while my inner bitch tried to yell at me some more. I was able to still that voice as I worked and I was able to be in that moment.
At the end of class, I wanted to cry. I tried to keep a straight poker face and to pack up my stuff and get out of there as fast I can. The instructor came over and told me that I did very well, that I had a "good practice". I told her that I didn't think I did at all. Then she said that at the end when I was wrapping the ribbon and I was so present in that moment she could tell I was in the moment "and it was beautiful to watch you".
I was stunned and I thanked her and I left. I cried later and got it all out of my system but that inner bitch voice is always there lingering. Longing to catch me and berate me and keep me down.
But I don't have to listen to her.
But here is a secret, I can't stand staring at myself.
I am overweight. I have been this way my whole life...I am always 20-50 lbs more than I should be. I have been working on being fit since July. I have been walking 3 miles a day 3-4 days a week increasing my speed so I am almost jogging. No, I am not on any diet plan but I have been watching what I eat and I have cut out alot of stuff and toned down others...and I haven't really lost any weight.
That isn't to say that my body isn't changing from my efforts. I feel good. My t-shirts don't seem so snug. So that is good.
I went to a yoga class on Saturday where everyone was pretty thin or at least athletic. No one (except me from what I could see) was visibly overweight. Now, I might be overweight but I am damn flexible and I was able to hold my own in almost all the poses...except plank.
I can't plank. I can't get my toes to cooperate with my elbows and haul myself up off that floor. I can't - it hurts too much. So I try to do what I can (tensing all my muscles to a variation of plank) and I move on.
But then I looked in the mirror and all the hate filled words came tumbling out. "You are so fat, you can't even plank, this was a stupid idea, you can't do anything right, you will never look like them, you should stop trying, you are a failure."
This is my inner bitch. She is my inner voice that tells me that I am a failure, a nobody, a horrible mom and a stupid person...and I let her do it...almost every day. She berates me for not doing something right or for making a wrong choice. She is very mean and unsupportive. She has always been the voice that would stop me from doing anything because there was a possibility that I might fail.
In other words she is usually not the best voice to listen to when you can't do a particular pose.
The instructor for the yoga class moved onto other poses and I did too. Then she had us sit comfortably and take a ribbon from the floor and slowly wrap it up, folding it onto itself. She told us to feel the ribbon and the workings of our hands and wrists and to present the ribbon when it is done like a flower. I did what she asked while my inner bitch tried to yell at me some more. I was able to still that voice as I worked and I was able to be in that moment.
At the end of class, I wanted to cry. I tried to keep a straight poker face and to pack up my stuff and get out of there as fast I can. The instructor came over and told me that I did very well, that I had a "good practice". I told her that I didn't think I did at all. Then she said that at the end when I was wrapping the ribbon and I was so present in that moment she could tell I was in the moment "and it was beautiful to watch you".
I was stunned and I thanked her and I left. I cried later and got it all out of my system but that inner bitch voice is always there lingering. Longing to catch me and berate me and keep me down.
But I don't have to listen to her.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Happy Venus Day!
I know its Saturday. There was sickness lurking in my house and I was losing my mind with everyone coughing, hacking, and interrupting everything...which amounted to no post on Wednesday. So lucky you, you get one today. You're Welcome.
I know alot of people who HATE Valentine's day. HATE HATE HATE. I am in the middle somewhere...I don't hate it but I am not excited to paint the whole world pink and red. I understand when you don't have a romance in your life you tend to hate the romantic shit. I also understand that when you are broken up you tend to hate the romantic shit. Even when you have romantic love in your life some people tend to go overboard with the flowers, hearts and chocolate. Personally, I hate Valentine's Day for kids. Kids do not know romantic love and they shouldn't be handing out Valentine's. Turning the holiday into a friendship day is nice but that means they are still forced into giving a card that talks about friendship to a kid who is taunting them. I remember back in elementary school watching kids throw out the Valentine's I made them. Good times were had by all...
I am one of those people who LOVE holidays. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Anything to decorate and make it special I will throw myself into it. But the hearts and lace and flowers are really not my cup of tea to begin with. And a holiday that makes you sad that you aren't with someone isn't really a good reason for a holiday at all.
When I was learning All About Wicca I remember one of my friends saying "Happy Venus Day" on February 14th and I really liked that. I never understood why the day was call Valentine's anyway and dedicated to a saint that had nothing to do with romantic love. I know that the legend is he wrote the first Valentine and besides a pretty name what else is there? Plus I never liked how Cupid was the main character for this holiday and why is Cupid always portrayed as an armed winged baby? Is that because once you are in love you are supposed to want to have babies or else?
Venus is Cupid's Mother. She is Love and he is an extension of that love. Her myths state that she is sexual above all else and she offers prosperity and good luck but I see her as the epitome of Love Of Self. She is confidence. Venus knows that she is beautiful. She knows that she can get whatever love or gifts she wants. She never sacrifices herself to get a lover. She brings them to Her. She doesn't second guess her choices or her life. She accepts it and says "Take me for what I am and love me". There are no apologies for who she is. She just is. She doesn't care if no one gives her flowers. If she wants flowers she will go get them herself, because she loves herself.
Here is a wonderful thought for your February 14th. Dress how you want to dress. Be yourself. Be confidant that you are wonderful. And above all love yourself for all that you are. Be Venus for a day...
And wait to buy the candy on February 15th...it'll be half off...:)
In Love and Chocolate,
DM
I know alot of people who HATE Valentine's day. HATE HATE HATE. I am in the middle somewhere...I don't hate it but I am not excited to paint the whole world pink and red. I understand when you don't have a romance in your life you tend to hate the romantic shit. I also understand that when you are broken up you tend to hate the romantic shit. Even when you have romantic love in your life some people tend to go overboard with the flowers, hearts and chocolate. Personally, I hate Valentine's Day for kids. Kids do not know romantic love and they shouldn't be handing out Valentine's. Turning the holiday into a friendship day is nice but that means they are still forced into giving a card that talks about friendship to a kid who is taunting them. I remember back in elementary school watching kids throw out the Valentine's I made them. Good times were had by all...
I am one of those people who LOVE holidays. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Anything to decorate and make it special I will throw myself into it. But the hearts and lace and flowers are really not my cup of tea to begin with. And a holiday that makes you sad that you aren't with someone isn't really a good reason for a holiday at all.
When I was learning All About Wicca I remember one of my friends saying "Happy Venus Day" on February 14th and I really liked that. I never understood why the day was call Valentine's anyway and dedicated to a saint that had nothing to do with romantic love. I know that the legend is he wrote the first Valentine and besides a pretty name what else is there? Plus I never liked how Cupid was the main character for this holiday and why is Cupid always portrayed as an armed winged baby? Is that because once you are in love you are supposed to want to have babies or else?
Venus is Cupid's Mother. She is Love and he is an extension of that love. Her myths state that she is sexual above all else and she offers prosperity and good luck but I see her as the epitome of Love Of Self. She is confidence. Venus knows that she is beautiful. She knows that she can get whatever love or gifts she wants. She never sacrifices herself to get a lover. She brings them to Her. She doesn't second guess her choices or her life. She accepts it and says "Take me for what I am and love me". There are no apologies for who she is. She just is. She doesn't care if no one gives her flowers. If she wants flowers she will go get them herself, because she loves herself.
Here is a wonderful thought for your February 14th. Dress how you want to dress. Be yourself. Be confidant that you are wonderful. And above all love yourself for all that you are. Be Venus for a day...
And wait to buy the candy on February 15th...it'll be half off...:)
In Love and Chocolate,
DM
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
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