Summer, when you are a Stay At Home Mom, can be alot of fun. You can take the kids to a park, or better yet a sprinkler park, or maybe a museum or shopping and its bliss. Well, it used to be bliss. When you have babies to pre-schoolers (depending on the child ) you can have fun for a minimal amount of work. Backyard play is awesome! A walk around the neighborhood is totally cool! Making cookies or some other snack is fun!
My children no longer fit into that category. They are the dreaded BIG KIDS of the playground. Usually they will watch where they are going but more than likely I am getting the stink eye from some moms because I am reading or playing with my phone and *gasp* I am not watching my kids!! Add in a team sport (like SWIM) and the summer is spent schlepping kids from one thing to another. Now, add in sleeping in and 9:am Violin lessons and you have yourself lots of stress...and shouting to "come on"...and lots of "in a minute"s. Last summer was AWFUL like that...all I did was shuffle children, deal with requests for snacks and food and there was no real time for me or trips that I wanted to take. I became very depressed and I desperately needed to be validated...hence the job...and hence the quitting of the job because "my family needs me...yay!"
Enter the 3rd day of Summer vacation and we are all falling into the same patterns as last year...with a bonus of renovating bits the house...and I already feel myself becoming a mother that I don't want to be. But it is very hard to try to change the people in this house since they all have attitudes that I think are genetic - from their mother - and age appropriate. So how do we change an awful pattern of behavior? My first reaction is to CONTROL the situation and make it clear who is in charge. However, these kids know how to break down the armor and how to ask just the right questions to make me question myself (genetics from their father). Another way is to tell them X, Y and Z have to happen before we can do A, B and C. Sometimes that works...sometimes it becomes a complete mess, with children distracting me because they have to do D right now!!!!
Since the control thing is not working (right now anyway), the next thing in my arsenal is just taking time for me anyway and making it a priority...except when I do this at home the kids can find me and act desperate enough that I will stop what I am doing and deal with their emergency ("I can't find my new sweatband and I can't go to bed without it!!"). Clearly none of the old ways are working...the kids are bigger and they should "suck it up and be more independent" but I LIKE the fact they still need me and want me...as The Hubby put it "you are their world" and he is right. Being with them 24/7 and knowing all the drama that is contained within, "their world" shouldn't want to drop kick them to another one because she needs some time to herself that isn't potty related. I have asked the kids to give me space and that has also had good results (6 out of 10) but it works best when I can say "watch a movie and have some popcorn and don't bother me"...which also ends up with lots of popcorn on the floor, the asking for more popcorn, and the inevitable fight over who is sitting where.
My best solution has been to leave the house. But where do you go and for how long? Since I have big kids I don't have to pay the babysitter...I can leave them at home. I don't want to leave them for 4 hours alone but 1 or 2 shouldn't be a problem. Going to the Gym for a workout has been my solution so far. I started dancing again at my NIA class and I have been getting on a treadmill or other machines to bring my heart rate up. My feet and ankles hurt and I am a bit more tired than I want to be but I am liking it for the first time in a long time. And there are no interruptions (woohoo!). When I get home I can be totally "on call". WIN!
In order for this to be even more successful I need to get back into a meditative space that says "this is my time" instead of rushing to end it so I can hurry home. Being in that state lets me come down inside so I can talk to my inner voice and be inspired or just remember what is on the calendar for the day. I need to remember to take a deep breath before getting out of the car and watch my steps as I enter the building. I need to stretch and do a bit of a warm up before starting so I can bring into my day the Divine that I know is in there. This combined with the Web-Slinging has been good and hopefully I will stick with it and make it work so I can have my time and be healthier as a bonus. Its something I need and want for ME. Every Mom needs time away to ground and re-focus...when we are intense on our kids we lose sight of ourselves. The hope is that this will ground me and I will be the Mother that I want to be this summer and that will be good for the kids and hubby too.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Very True...
Have you told someone how important they are to you today?
http://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/pearlsbeforeswine/s-904394
http://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/pearlsbeforeswine/s-904394
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Summertime...and the livin' is easy...
The summer heat is calling us to rest,
The summer earth is calling us to grow,
The summer seas are calling us to play,
The summer winds are calling us to change...
As a rule, I do not like Summer. I do not like the heat and humidity. I like wearing sandals and shorts but when I feel "sticky" I get uncomfortable. I do not like the bugs that like to invade your space and while a thunderstorm is cool I don't feel the need to watch it. There are no schedules (which can be good) but then when you need to get someplace on time you are almost always late...and I hate being late. My kids request - constantly - about beaches and pools and other field trips. Those places are fun but I am usually the pack mule and I can't leave them there and go someplace else (like inside...with an umbrella drink). The heat brings a laziness that I cannot stand. I like to be active and I like to get things done and when its too hot and you can't really move...you don't get anything done. Then there's the whole "the kids are home and need to be occupied" thing. My kids are not toddlers but they are not teenagers...they are in an in-between stage where they want to play but sometimes they want to be alone. They want to grow up and then they want to be little again. Its hard to know what days are going to bring what attitudes with them....and that holds for both them and me. If its too hot, I will have a short fuse. If its rainy and humid I will change plans to get to someplace with air conditioning, but it has to be a place where all of my kids will have fun and doesn't have a ton of people already there (and isn't too expensive) and those places are getting to be more and more scarce.
Even though I do not like Summer I always have such high hopes for it. I like to think that the kids and I will play and have fun and everything we do will be a rainbow delight. But closer to home, sometimes its good, and sometimes its nice, but usually its me exhausted on the couch arguing with the kids to go to bed because I want to have some time. Alone. Now.
Summer is hard for me. Summer forces me to slow down and take stock while not having any alone time. It challenges me to sit back and relax when I want to plan what will happen...and not think about what is happening right now. This year, the lesson of Summer seems to be all about change. There are changes for me, trying to figure out job opportunities and what I want with my life. My children are growing up...one will be turning teen, one will be moving up to 5th grade and one (tho' still a handful) is showing signs of growing up. My hubby and I know we can rely on one another but we don't desperately need the other to relieve us for a break, so there is more independence which can be empowering or lonely depending on the day. We are moving things in our house to accommodate what our family needs now, and getting rid of things they don't need...which can be hard to do. I am also looking at changing my habits and bringing in more exercise which may mean more energy or it could mean being more tired.
It can be hard to break old habits and let go of wants and desires. What you hope will happen may not and then you are going to have to change plans and Don't Want To. This is true of all of us in any season. Summer's lesson is to Enjoy in spite of it all. This is because Summer is very laid back. Summer totally doesn't care that you can't get that done right now because tomorrow is another day - and there is no schedule to shuffle. Summer is non-judgmental, knowing that you are not lazy if you can't get something done. The reason why Summer doesn't care that your hopes and expectations may not happen is because Summer is about the Moment.
So even with things changing all around me, and my desire to hurry them up to get to the next phase, nest day, nest season...my lesson of Summer might be to take a Moment. A moment to sit...or to play. To re-evaluate or to relax. To not feel so pressured into doing what I have to versus doing what I want to. To take this Summer and to see my family for the awesome people they are right now and to maybe see me, fully, as the awesome person I am right now. To appreciate all the joys of Summer and to slow down, to be here and smile.
Hoping to share a lovely Sangria with all of you,
DiannaMoon
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Difference between "Quitting" and "Winning"
A very wise man, Drew Jacobs, the Rogue Priest, wrote these words:
I am an independent woman...I answer to no one but me, I am woman, hear me mew. I have always been this way and I always will be. When I make a decision I expect it to Always be the Right One, Dammit. Then I met My Hubby, Computer Geek Extraordinaire. He is very Logical and Reasonable and he usually doesn't make a decision based on emotions (and I am fairly certain he is not a Cylon). He has a tendency to ruin any of my decisions because of Logic (because we can't afford it...because we have no time for it...because there are enough videos of cats singing on the internet, etc.)
After 12 years of being a Stay at Home Mom I was feeling restless. I had nothing to do and my kids were in school. I made the decision to get a job. It had to fit certain parameters...it had to be morning hours, Monday thru Friday, Part Time and easy to get to. Believe it or not, I FOUND A JOB THAT FIT THOSE PARAMETERS. I was thrilled! Money! Prestige! Free Lunches every month! I get to dress up! WOOT!
Then REALITY set in...First, I never had "nothing" to do...but now I was doing all of that "nothing" plus the job...think playdates and Girl Scout Coordination and teacher conferences. All the hours I worked were hours the kids were at school but now I had to try to fit in errands while on the job. I never had any sort of break - going from work to home. The job was ok but nothing to be thrilled about. It was a job, sometimes it would be great and sometimes it would be miserable. I was still the on-call person for the kids because my job was the most flexible, so I would have to race home to get a sick kid or deal with snow days. I started to hate the fact that my kids needed my attention, or that when I would get a moment of peace the phone would ring and I would "have" to answer it...because it was one of my many obligations. I started to really stress about every moment of our busy lives...the life I scheduled because we can "make time". To top it off, upper management at the job decided to make it more difficult to do by using ONLY Voice Mail (no Email or Cell Phones...*facepalm*).
My Hubby and I talked a lot about all of this. I maintained that I was bringing in money and this is my decision. He maintained that I was more stressed out then ever and making everyone in the house...let's just say "less than thrilled". We then laid out money for Summer Camp (because you have to schedule those things in MARCH) and he and I both realized that all of the money I would make for the summer was going to camp. And he said "Ummm, hold it...let's really think about this..."
We realized that it came down to:
1) The job is neat and the hours are good but its not the most stimulating job ever
2) I was getting more stressed and less healthy
3) There were no obligations that I was willing to give up
4) When I am home, I don't do "nothing", I do "everything"
5) Staying home is a valid decision and it can be happy
As a dear lady said to me yesterday morning, I am Blessed that I am able to stay at home. I know there are many MANY people who want to do what I can do and they can't. And I am sorry. I am very grateful that I have this, I just want to do more...and My Hubby has said, "You do enough".
So in doing "enough", I am going to try to paint some rooms and move furniture around so each of the kids have their own rooms by the time we actually have a TEENAGER (less than 3 months!). I am going to sew, because sewing and quilting makes me happy. I am going back to the gym, because I need to be healthy...and I can do this now. In September I am going to go and help my awesome public school by being a teacher's helper three times a week...and if that doesn't work out then I will find something else...because, and I am still trying to grasp this, my life isn't defined by the job I get, but by the job I do...and I do "enough".
One of the reasons you don’t want to quit is because of sunk costs and cognitive dissonance: the idea that you already invested so much that it’d be stupid to give up now.
The other big reason is that people tend to assume the future will be better than the present.
Staying the course for either of these reasons is like staying in a bad relationship long after the love’s over. I remember asking a friend, after a messy breakup, if he thought I should give it one more try with her.
“That depends,” he told me. “What’s going to be different?”
Ultimately, that is the litmus test for any cool-it-or-blow situation. Every pattern in your life has momentum. If that momentum isn’t taking you where you want, then the future will not be better—no matter how much you’ve already invested—unless you can change some key part of your situation today. Ask yourself honestly: can you?
If you can, then you might be able to shift the momentum for the better. That is called WINNING.
If you can’t, then you should get off the train before it takes you any farther.That is also called WINNING.
Or you could keep on without changing the momentum. It may seem easiest, it may save face, but that is called LOSING.
***********************
Here is the whole article:
***********************
After 12 years of being a Stay at Home Mom I was feeling restless. I had nothing to do and my kids were in school. I made the decision to get a job. It had to fit certain parameters...it had to be morning hours, Monday thru Friday, Part Time and easy to get to. Believe it or not, I FOUND A JOB THAT FIT THOSE PARAMETERS. I was thrilled! Money! Prestige! Free Lunches every month! I get to dress up! WOOT!
Then REALITY set in...First, I never had "nothing" to do...but now I was doing all of that "nothing" plus the job...think playdates and Girl Scout Coordination and teacher conferences. All the hours I worked were hours the kids were at school but now I had to try to fit in errands while on the job. I never had any sort of break - going from work to home. The job was ok but nothing to be thrilled about. It was a job, sometimes it would be great and sometimes it would be miserable. I was still the on-call person for the kids because my job was the most flexible, so I would have to race home to get a sick kid or deal with snow days. I started to hate the fact that my kids needed my attention, or that when I would get a moment of peace the phone would ring and I would "have" to answer it...because it was one of my many obligations. I started to really stress about every moment of our busy lives...the life I scheduled because we can "make time". To top it off, upper management at the job decided to make it more difficult to do by using ONLY Voice Mail (no Email or Cell Phones...*facepalm*).
My Hubby and I talked a lot about all of this. I maintained that I was bringing in money and this is my decision. He maintained that I was more stressed out then ever and making everyone in the house...let's just say "less than thrilled". We then laid out money for Summer Camp (because you have to schedule those things in MARCH) and he and I both realized that all of the money I would make for the summer was going to camp. And he said "Ummm, hold it...let's really think about this..."
We realized that it came down to:
1) The job is neat and the hours are good but its not the most stimulating job ever
2) I was getting more stressed and less healthy
3) There were no obligations that I was willing to give up
4) When I am home, I don't do "nothing", I do "everything"
5) Staying home is a valid decision and it can be happy
As a dear lady said to me yesterday morning, I am Blessed that I am able to stay at home. I know there are many MANY people who want to do what I can do and they can't. And I am sorry. I am very grateful that I have this, I just want to do more...and My Hubby has said, "You do enough".
So in doing "enough", I am going to try to paint some rooms and move furniture around so each of the kids have their own rooms by the time we actually have a TEENAGER (less than 3 months!). I am going to sew, because sewing and quilting makes me happy. I am going back to the gym, because I need to be healthy...and I can do this now. In September I am going to go and help my awesome public school by being a teacher's helper three times a week...and if that doesn't work out then I will find something else...because, and I am still trying to grasp this, my life isn't defined by the job I get, but by the job I do...and I do "enough".
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Oh you Girl Scouts...
When I was a kid, I was signed up for Girl Scouts...and I loved it. As a lonely kid with very few friends (and alot of people who teased me) Girl Scouts was a place where I belonged, where my ideas were heard and where I got to be creative and learn new things (and I got to wear my Girl Scout uniform to school, and as anyone would tell you who went to Catholic School *ANY* excuse to not wear your uniform - even if it was another uniform - was awesome). My Girl Scout leader - Mrs. G - was wonderful and she took me aside on a few occasions and gave me confidence to be a better person, to be true to my creative self and to be a leader.
And here I am, many moons later, being a leader.
I have been a leader for as long as Mrs. G was to my troop - 8 years to my Cadettes and 5 years to my Juniors (yes, I am *that* insane) and they show NO SIGNS OF QUITTING...ack!
I have friends who are GS Leaders and I always feel like I have to be better than them. Why? We are all in this together and we should be doing what we can to support each other. I think I am supportive but then I hear about someone's award or leader training and I think "OMG I have to do that! She can't be better at this than me...blah blah blah."
Well, being a GS leader is alot like being a Mom or Witch. NO ONE IS DOING IT BETTER. We are all doing it the way that works for us...the way the path needs us to go. Case in point - My Cadettes told me at the beginning of this year that they didn't want badges...they wanted to explore and have fun. We had a GREAT year (when I got to see them, they are busy middle schoolers after all). They told me back in 4th grade that they didn't want the Bronze Award...and that was OK!! I really like who these girls are and who they are becoming. Getting or not getting an award won't make them any less Girl Scouts...and it doesn't make me any less of a leader either.
My Juniors are a very motivated bunch of girls. They are on every team in the town. They want to do the Bronze Award and they want to do EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. And because I am *that* insane I take on too much and try to out-compete whoever it is that I am competing with. I don't know why I think I have to be extra ridiculous with the Juniors...maybe a part of me is showing off, maybe their motivation and ambition are catching...I don't know.
There is a part of me that enjoys Girl Scouting even more as an adult. Its a way to build confidence in girls and to have them be a part of the greater sisterhood. But I am getting tired and I am running myself ragged with the hopes that everyone is doing fine, liking what we are doing, and hoping that everyone likes me. Which in turn means I have stopped doing alot of this for the JOY and started doing alot of this for the I HAVE TO...and that doesn't make for good leading or learning.
Next year will be my 9th year being a leader. All of my girls want to continue (again - ack!). I have closed my troops so that I get to know my girls better. My plan is to do 2 overnights (Encampment and a museum trip) and alot of community service. I am not planning any day trips or hikes. Just 2 meetings per month where we work on a badge or planning our community project. That is my goal.
This is what I need to keep in mind...what my inner Goddess/GS Leader tells me...I will always want to be appreciated and get that huge bouquet of champagne at the end of the year. I just will and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me selfish or rude to want that. But, I also know, when those girls told me yesterday that they want to continue Scouting and that they were looking forward to next year that that is also a bouquet. And just because I can't look at that bouquet sitting on my table it doesn't mean I didn't receive it...
With my Brownie Smile,
DiannaMoon
And here I am, many moons later, being a leader.
I have been a leader for as long as Mrs. G was to my troop - 8 years to my Cadettes and 5 years to my Juniors (yes, I am *that* insane) and they show NO SIGNS OF QUITTING...ack!
I have friends who are GS Leaders and I always feel like I have to be better than them. Why? We are all in this together and we should be doing what we can to support each other. I think I am supportive but then I hear about someone's award or leader training and I think "OMG I have to do that! She can't be better at this than me...blah blah blah."
Well, being a GS leader is alot like being a Mom or Witch. NO ONE IS DOING IT BETTER. We are all doing it the way that works for us...the way the path needs us to go. Case in point - My Cadettes told me at the beginning of this year that they didn't want badges...they wanted to explore and have fun. We had a GREAT year (when I got to see them, they are busy middle schoolers after all). They told me back in 4th grade that they didn't want the Bronze Award...and that was OK!! I really like who these girls are and who they are becoming. Getting or not getting an award won't make them any less Girl Scouts...and it doesn't make me any less of a leader either.
My Juniors are a very motivated bunch of girls. They are on every team in the town. They want to do the Bronze Award and they want to do EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. And because I am *that* insane I take on too much and try to out-compete whoever it is that I am competing with. I don't know why I think I have to be extra ridiculous with the Juniors...maybe a part of me is showing off, maybe their motivation and ambition are catching...I don't know.
There is a part of me that enjoys Girl Scouting even more as an adult. Its a way to build confidence in girls and to have them be a part of the greater sisterhood. But I am getting tired and I am running myself ragged with the hopes that everyone is doing fine, liking what we are doing, and hoping that everyone likes me. Which in turn means I have stopped doing alot of this for the JOY and started doing alot of this for the I HAVE TO...and that doesn't make for good leading or learning.
Next year will be my 9th year being a leader. All of my girls want to continue (again - ack!). I have closed my troops so that I get to know my girls better. My plan is to do 2 overnights (Encampment and a museum trip) and alot of community service. I am not planning any day trips or hikes. Just 2 meetings per month where we work on a badge or planning our community project. That is my goal.
This is what I need to keep in mind...what my inner Goddess/GS Leader tells me...I will always want to be appreciated and get that huge bouquet of champagne at the end of the year. I just will and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me selfish or rude to want that. But, I also know, when those girls told me yesterday that they want to continue Scouting and that they were looking forward to next year that that is also a bouquet. And just because I can't look at that bouquet sitting on my table it doesn't mean I didn't receive it...
With my Brownie Smile,
DiannaMoon
Monday, June 6, 2011
Hello Viewers...
The times they are a-changin...
I have alot of great ideas...and then I get distracted and can't follow through...OR someone does it so much better than me and I don't even try... Well, that all has to change - Starting Here, Starting Now - because I am not growing as a person or as a witch or as a mom...
Let's back up, many years ago (13) I became a mom and I wanted to start a Pagan Parenting Site for Pagan Parents to talk and be connected through the divine and us. And I didn't do anything about it because I had a girl baby and a job and I was planning my wedding and then I got laid off and then we moved and then I was pregnant again and then I...
Any mom or dad can tell you how this ends...with not a whole lot getting done in the spirituality department...
So 3 baby humans later, a crisis occurs...my children are all independent (well, they are potty trained and can be trusted to not burn the house down) and I am not needed/but needed. I can do stuff on my own (I can read for 30 minutes uninterrupted while not in the bathroom! woo!)!! ACK!
So *now* I go and (thanks to an awesome HomeSchoolWitchMom) get pointed to a whole bunch of pagan blogs...the ones I wanted to write..."well, crap - I think to myself - I guess I will have to find another way to be spiritual and get my thoughts out."
Yeah, except that isn't working... I went to the UU Church by me and while I like it and the people, the services are not for me. I do try to participate - singing in choir, running Pagan Sabbats - and it is wonderful but its not the same as having a weekly witchie group to talk and to meditate and to regroup. And if I put off another thing because I "can't" I am just going to curl up in my bed and stay there...and then I ask "Who is this wuss and when did she EVER roll over?"
Now please note that I have friends - Great Wonderful Mom Friends - who run the course (Born Again, Conservative, Liberal, Frightening Liberal, Homeschool, Public School, Pagan, Catholic) but when we get together we talk about mom stuff - Toddlers Climbing Anything, IEP, Autism, Team Sports, More Homework than the Lord Intended...you get the idea...and I try to advise and help and be there for my friends but I need a space to bathe in the Goddess Light...
Hence, The Blog (has there ever been a worse name than "Blog"...Hmmmm...)
Hence the Web-Slinging (better...)
So I will endeavor to be here on Wednesdays and have a moment...it may be ranting (I have 3 kids, 2 cats, and a hubby)...it may be poetry...it may be a Wine/Food Review...I could be plugging a friend's shop or reminiscing on my sisters...or talking about the trials/blessings of owning a mortgage...who knows...
I hope to inspire myself and maybe learn a thing or two...So comment and connect and let's
Light Up the World...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdHg2zvVczY
Thank you for reading, Blessed Be,
DiannaMoon
I have alot of great ideas...and then I get distracted and can't follow through...OR someone does it so much better than me and I don't even try... Well, that all has to change - Starting Here, Starting Now - because I am not growing as a person or as a witch or as a mom...
Let's back up, many years ago (13) I became a mom and I wanted to start a Pagan Parenting Site for Pagan Parents to talk and be connected through the divine and us. And I didn't do anything about it because I had a girl baby and a job and I was planning my wedding and then I got laid off and then we moved and then I was pregnant again and then I...
Any mom or dad can tell you how this ends...with not a whole lot getting done in the spirituality department...
So 3 baby humans later, a crisis occurs...my children are all independent (well, they are potty trained and can be trusted to not burn the house down) and I am not needed/but needed. I can do stuff on my own (I can read for 30 minutes uninterrupted while not in the bathroom! woo!)!! ACK!
So *now* I go and (thanks to an awesome HomeSchoolWitchMom) get pointed to a whole bunch of pagan blogs...the ones I wanted to write..."well, crap - I think to myself - I guess I will have to find another way to be spiritual and get my thoughts out."
Yeah, except that isn't working... I went to the UU Church by me and while I like it and the people, the services are not for me. I do try to participate - singing in choir, running Pagan Sabbats - and it is wonderful but its not the same as having a weekly witchie group to talk and to meditate and to regroup. And if I put off another thing because I "can't" I am just going to curl up in my bed and stay there...and then I ask "Who is this wuss and when did she EVER roll over?"
Now please note that I have friends - Great Wonderful Mom Friends - who run the course (Born Again, Conservative, Liberal, Frightening Liberal, Homeschool, Public School, Pagan, Catholic) but when we get together we talk about mom stuff - Toddlers Climbing Anything, IEP, Autism, Team Sports, More Homework than the Lord Intended...you get the idea...and I try to advise and help and be there for my friends but I need a space to bathe in the Goddess Light...
Hence, The Blog (has there ever been a worse name than "Blog"...Hmmmm...)
Hence the Web-Slinging (better...)
So I will endeavor to be here on Wednesdays and have a moment...it may be ranting (I have 3 kids, 2 cats, and a hubby)...it may be poetry...it may be a Wine/Food Review...I could be plugging a friend's shop or reminiscing on my sisters...or talking about the trials/blessings of owning a mortgage...who knows...
I hope to inspire myself and maybe learn a thing or two...So comment and connect and let's
Light Up the World...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdHg2zvVczY
Thank you for reading, Blessed Be,
DiannaMoon
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