How Yule got its Name by Andras Corban Arthen

THE FIRST SONG

A tale of how Yule got its name

© 1994, Andras Corban Arthen

This is the story of the very first song; it is a true story, as all stories are, if you believe in them. This story begins a long, long time ago, when the Earth and Sun gave birth to the first beings-the very first plants, and animals, and people. It was springtime, and the Sun shone warm and bright from his high perch above, and Earth, proud mother that she was, held and fed her newborns and relished them with tenderness and love. It was a time of joy, it was a time of great delight.

The Moon waxed and waned time and again in the night sky, and the children of the Earth grew well and strong through summertime. They played and danced, and Earth and Sun watched over them.

Then autumn came, and the Earth began to sleep much longer every day. She grew tired and pale, she could no longer feed her children, and had no strength to grow new life. High above, the Sun grew distant, and took longer to return each morn. The nights grew longer, and cold winds blew where none had blown before.

And then, one day, Earth went to sleep and never did wake up. She wrapped herself in a blanket of snow, and rested her tired head on pillows of dried leaves, and she did not wake up, Her children could do nothing to rouse her from her slumber. They prodded her, they called to her, but she would not awaken. In the sky, the Sun was nowhere to be seen, and the children of the Earth felt fear, and also felt despair. This was the longest night that they had ever known.

"What shall become of us?", they pondered. "Earth Mother sleeps, and Father Sun is oh so far away that we can barely see him in the sky. He is much too far to hear our call. What shall we do?"

So they brought their questions and their fears to the Moon, the sister of the Sun, for they knew not where else to turn. She closed her eyes, and took a slow, deep breath, and looked within herself, and awoke thoughts that had never been awakened until then.

She opened her soft eyes, then said, "When hope is lost, the best way to get it back is with a song. Climb you the tallest trees, the biggest hills, the highest mountains, and yule a song to reach the Sun". (Now, yule is a word from one of the most ancient tongues. It is related to words like yell or yodel, and it means to call out in a song).

But the first beings had never heard a song, so once again they sought the Moon's advice. "How shall we yule?", they asked. "How shall we sing a song?"

"Take the best of what you have", she said, "the best of what you are. Take what you love, take what you cherish most. Take your joys, your dreams, your fondest hopes, and weave them all together in a sound."

And so they did. The climbed atop the tallest trees, the mountains and the hills. They stood on all the places that would bring them closest to the Sun. They shut their eyes, and thought and felt the best of thoughts and feelings, and dreamt the finest dreams. And, as they did, their voices rang and made a bridge of song across the sky, to reach the distant Sun.

He heard, and turned, and smiled, and wrapped himself in all his light and warmth, and sped to where the yuling voices called. As he drew near, the sleeping Earth did stir, and dreamed a dream of spring. The wheel of life made its first round, and hope and joy prevailed. And ever since, that time of year has been called Yule, in honor of the song.

But the first song did not end. It had such power, such eldritch allure, that the first beings kept singing it throughout. And then the second beings bom of the Earth took up the song, as did the third. And so it ever since has gone, through seasons and through years, until this very day.

At times the song is very soft, and scarcely can be heard above the din and clatter of our lives. But when Yule comes, it rises and it swells in memory of that night when the Sun heard, and light and life were spared.

And so do we, upon this longest night, gather with those we love and who love us, and stand upon the body of slumbering Earth, and light the log with last year's coal, and lift our voices soaring to the Sun, and join the song that first was sung so very long ago.

We sing our thanks to those who went before, and sing our fondest wish to those who come behind. We bask in the returning light of reawakened hope, and welcome Yule.

Meditations by Victoria E. Safford

The Moment of Magic

Now is the moment of magic,

when the whole, round earth turns again toward the sun,

      and here's a blessing: 
the days will be longer and brighter now, 
even before the winter settles in to chill us.

Now is the moment of magic, 
when people beaten down and broken, 
with nothing left but misery and candles and their own clear voices, 
kindle tiny lights and whisper secret music,

      and here's a blessing: 
the dark universe is suddenly illuminated by the lights of the menorah, 
suddenly ablaze with the lights of the kinara, 
and the whole world is glad and loud with winter singing.

Now is the moment of magic, 
when an eastern star beckons the ignorant toward an unknown goal,

      and here's a blessing: 
they find nothing in the end but an ordinary baby, 
born at midnight, born in poverty, and the baby's cry, like bells ringing, 
makes people wonder as they wander through their lives, 
what human love might really look like, 
sound like, 
feel like.

Now is the moment of magic,

      and here's a blessing: 
we already possess all the gifts we need; 
we've already received our presents: 
ears to hear music, 
eyes to behold lights, 
hands to build true peace on earth 
and to hold each other tight in love.

fear

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Center

A new way to think of energy in a circle space!

Thanks to the Spiritual Naturalist Society for doing this!

Working Ritual with the Center

Power

We all want power.  Sometimes we feel the loss of power and control.  There are many stories of gods out there that claim to be all powerful (Yahweh, Zeus) and some that are powerful in a small way (Aphrodite, all love belongs to her).  Do we worship the gods because of their power?  Star Foster asks this question in her blog Pink Beyond Pink...

Read it here...

Happy Thanksgiving
DM

The Power of Words

While I believe that your intention when saying things is more important then your pronunciation I do like that Kenny Klein talks about the power of Pronunciation in Pagan beliefs...especially words that are always mispronounced.

Check it out!

EXACTLY

Star Foster has hit the ball out of the park (as I wish the Red Sox would have done more often this season).  In her article on Pathos' Pantheon she talks about Reciprocity of the Gods.  This is something that I truly believe.

Here is the link. READ IT.

When I was a Christian, I took every hardship as a "sign that I should suffer"  because "that is what god and Jesus wants".  When I became Wiccan I found the novel notion that I didn't HAVE to suffer...that life is not this pre-ordained mess that you have to get through in order to be happy at death.  Life is about LIVING and LIVING happily.  AND IT WORKED.  I was happier, more content and I could just be.  When I was given the opportunity to move to Boston (as Ms. Foster has found)  things fell into place.  It was a revelation that you don't have to suffer.  That if things don't feel right you don't have to continue them.  If YOU don't like the way things are going in YOUR life CHANGE IT.  Don't just sit there and bitch and moan and whine.  That is not helpful.  Sure, if you need to, take a moment to shake your fist at the sky and cry...I do all the time.  But then get up and do something about it.  Make yourself happy.

Hail Mary...

I have always loved The Hail Mary...for those who don't know it it goes like this:

Hail Mary, Full of Grace
The Lord is with you...
Blessed are you amoung women
and blessed is the fruit of your womb
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen

It is a Simple Prayer honoring Mary the Mother (goddess) of Jesus (god)

I love that Bill Faherty made a New Hail Mary...or Hail Mother:

Hail Mother, who art Earth
Hallowed be thy soil, rocks and flora
that nourish and support all life
Blessed by thy wind that gives us breath
and thy waters that quench, bathe and refresh all living things
Holy Earth, as one, we praise your majesty, grace and wonder

Blessed be
DM

Listen....

This is a very powerful article.  I get caught up in what I want to say and I do feel that no one truly listens to what I have to say.  But to truly listen is divine.

Enjoy!

RIP Gore Vidal

This is a thought provoking article about Gore Vidal from a Pagan Perspective!

RIP and Enjoy the Summerlands

Peace
DM

Blessed Lammas!

I found this article while looking for something to write about Lammas and Waverley Fitzgerald's work is perfect.  Here is the full article.

Here are the highlights:

Food for Thought

Lammas is a festival of regrets and farewells, of harvest and preserves. Reflect on these topics alone in the privacy of your journal or share them with others around a fire. Lughnasad is one of the great Celtic fire-festivals, so if at all possible, have your feast around a bonfire. While you're sitting around the fire, you might want to tell stories. Look up the myths of any of the grain Gods and Goddesses mentioned above and try re-telling them in your own words.

Regrets: Think of the things you meant to do this summer or this year that are not coming to fruition. You can project your regrets onto natural objects like pine cones and throw them into the fire, releasing them. Or you can write them on dried corn husks (as suggested by Nancy Brady Cunningham in Feeding the Spirit) or on a piece of paper and burn them.

Farewells: What is passing from your life? What is over? Say good-bye to it. As with regrets, you can find visual symbols and throw them into the fire, the lake or the ocean. You can also bury them in the ground, perhaps in the form of bulbs which will manifest in a new form in spring.

Harvest: What have you harvested this year? What seeds have your planted that are sprouting? Find a visual way to represent these, perhaps creating a decoration in your house or altar which represents the harvest to you. Or you could make a corn dolly or learn to weave wheat. Look for classes in your area which can teach you how to weave wheat into wall pieces, which were made by early grain farmers as a resting place for the harvest spirits.

Preserves: This is also a good time for making preserves, either literally or symbolically. As you turn the summer's fruit into jams, jellies and chutneys for winter, think about the fruits that you have gathered this year and how you can hold onto them. How can you keep them sweet in the store of your memory?

Blessed be and have a wonderful day...as for me I am baking some cinnamon rolls and celebrating the last days of Summer with my family.

Peace

DM

What does a Priest/ess do?

Wonderful Article from The Daughters of Eve (LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH)

What does a Priestess do?

Blessed Solstice

It is mighty hot here in MA and there is much to do...BBQ and Beach and...well Summer!!

So enjoy this link and take a moment to revel in SUN!

Blessed Litha!

Peace
DM

Amazing Story

A friend of mine posted this and it is a truly profound story...and it goes with what I said about choices that I have made in my life and what I could have been.  This man also understands those choices, better than most.  You see he is a devout Mormon and he is gay.  He is also happily married to a woman and he has 3 beautiful daughters.  These are his choices.  He knew he could make other ones but that would mean sacrificing his church...and he didn't want that.

Enjoy reading!

Change of Heart

Its interesting - I just read last week's post and it seems so nice.

Too Bad there's a big fat dose of regret washing all over this page...

Sometimes, like RIGHT NOW, I get beyond frustrated at my life.  Generally when I get like this a speech starts up in my head "I don't want to be the mom responsible for this family!  I want to do my own thing and live in my own apartment away from all of this drama!  I should have gone to school for (insert dream here) instead of music.  I could have been someone."


I was supposed to be a singer/actress.  I did my best and auditioned.  I did have a band in NYC and I did play in some clubs...but it never really panned out.  The singing thing makes me more frustrated than anyone will ever understand.  I long to be on stage and doing that but my voice is not the same as it used to be and that is a hard pill to swallow.  And when you are surrounded by amazing musicians you can feel very small, like you don't matter.  It feels like no one cares but me...like its a secret that only I have.  I want to feel needed, I want the support and people pushing me to do better and be better.  I don't want to hang out in karaoke bars by myself and sing.  I want to go with people that I like that want to do this too.  I want to be a part of group that enjoys this and sings not just Christian songs but also great secular ones that work well with the group.

The church that I go to is a very nice place and community but they want too much of my time and all I really want are other pagans to practice with.  I don't want to worship in a Protestant space listening to what one person thinks should be with lesson this week.  I want to have a group that we ALL get a say as to what we talk about and we learn from each other.


Where do I want to be?  Not here.  I want to be traveling around the world and trying new foods and singing songs that someone writes for me.  I want to be someone's muse and I want to be a size 10 and eat all the ice cream I want.

*pout* *HURUMPH* *double pout*

Yes, I am having a tantrum.  Really, its no wonder.  Time is so over scheduled these days and I don't have any help.  I have no relatives who can take my kids for a day or two.  I have no friends who can realistically do that either.  Yes, I can leave my house with the kids in it but its not the same as having someone swoop down and say "Gee, you must need a break, let me..."

The Hubby is stressed out and he needs a break too - so that is on me.  He does a great job of taing the kids when he can.  We help each other, and that is good, but it is not the same as knowing you are getting a break...or you have someone to call to get that break.

Date nights are nice and are pretty much the ONLY alone time we get as a couple.  With school getting out soon all of my alone time will be gone.  I guess I am regretting that I didn't get enough done while the kids were at school and I am still going to have to do so much more when they are out.  Maybe I am regretting being a mom.  Maybe I am regretting the choices that led me here.

*sigh*


Maybe everyone needs a moment to relive the past so they can let go of the past.  It clings to your heart...those dreams that you never got to live...those goodbyes you never got to say.  Its closes in on you making it harder to breathe...because you had a moment of what might have been...instead of what is.

So I will take this moment of what might have been and I will look into my daughter's eyes.  I will take this frustration and play a game with my son.  I will take some time and sing with my heart open.  Because this is me....this is where I am....and maybe its really ok.

Being a Professional Priestess

Should I or Shouldn't I?

Check out this article from Cat Tredwell - a Druid Priest working her way...

Its a busy life...:)

Life....is what you make it

I have been silent because alot of stuff has been going on.  Not anything to be concerned with, just life.  Life goes on even when you want it to stand still...

I have been walking/jogging 3 times a week so I can get healthy.  I have been trying to Weight Watch again and I lost 7 pounds...then I got lazy and sick so points aren't being counted until I feel like I can eat again (I am saying this as I am drinking a glass of wine so I am guessing I am ok).  My clothes are fitting better and I feel good.  I still hate exercise but I am looking forward to extra yoga classes in the summer.

Kids are moving up grades and with that comes parties and goodbyes.  The Hummingbird is saying goodbye to elementary school.  The Diva has a mini Prom coming up (OMG!!).  A very good friend and ally has decided to send her kids to private school.  It makes me sad and happy at the same time.  Sad because I have lost one of the best voices for public school I have ever had.  Happy because her kids will likely thrive - but I will miss her fighting the fight next to me.

Everyone in this house has attitude that both my husband and I put blame on the other.  Lots of talkback and lots of growing up.  They are testing their boundaries and its fine.  Its annoying and I don't like it but its a part of life and I have to deal.  The Boy is really pushing back on almost everything and instead of screaming at him (which makes him scream at me and so on) I have taken to calmly saying "Do not yell at me" and that seems to work...for now...

I am very happy that school is about to end.  I have been sick of school since January - homework has been out of control (for The Diva anyway) and school obligations are insane.  It seems that every week there is another check to be written or another presentation that I "need" to be at...and I am done with all of it.  This Friday is a Fun Carnival day and I told the President of the PTO "If you really need me I will be there but I would like to sit this one out, please."

I was given an award for Girl Scouts for my years of service and My Hummingbird's troop earned their Bronze Award.  We are hoping that The Diva and a friend can earn the Silver Award over the summer.  I am considering co-leading The Boy's Troop since no other parent will come forward and this is important to me and he loves it.

Given all of this I haven't been able to go to my UU church at all.  Its been too much and I need the break.  I am glad they are winding down too (our church closes for the summer) so I can have a bit of time again. I may be joining a committee there and my purpose for this is to wave the pagan flag and remind people that its not all about Judeo/Christian here.

I haven't really been able to circle at home either.  I have tried to take moments and I feel The Goddess near me but I am in the middle of my own stuff and She knows it.  When this used to happen I would feel guilty of not worshipping but lately I have heard in my heart "I will always be here, and I know your love.  Do what you have to do."  It seems She is a Mom, alright, and understands.

I am feeling comfortable in my skin and I almost feel that I do not have to fight as hard against it or for it.  I am feeling OK.  I am a little lonely but that is a good thing.  I am feeling a bit creative here and there but not the stress of "I HAVE TO DO THIS".  Its been peaceful and its been fine.  

Summer will come and I am sure that it will bring stress and chaos of living the life of Homemaker but for now I am happy to welcome it in.  May you also be able to welcome it in...

Peace
DM

3 views of Pagan Deism

This is a great article from The Pagan Perspective on HOW a pagan thinks of the Gods.  I know that I fall into blue moving a bit toward green...I also know and have practiced with people who fall into yellow and red...which color are you?

Three Views of Pagan Deism

Spirit Rice

Tara Black writes a Blog called Spirit Rice.  She also wrote a Fabulous book called On the Right Path: Walking through God to Get to the Goddess...if you like her style I would urge you to read the book and her blog.  This is her latest offering:

To ME or not to ME

Enjoy!
DM

Bridging

My world is changing.  This may well be the last summer of sending kids to camps.  I will soon have 3 children in 3 different schools, 2 (well let's face it 3) sets of new attitudes and here I am, a mom trying to figure this brave new world.  So much of my life is "on hold" as I try to make sense of each step...I have to take each day one step at a time, one day at a time or I will miss everything.

I am always stressed out.  My schedule looks like the Invasion of Normandy. Every. Day.  I am drowning in emails I need to send, things I need to do.  I get super-pissy when I ask for a meeting or an email or something and I don't hear back from people.  I snap when I think people are judging me.  I get sad when I think people are ignoring me.

Life as a Mom has gotten really hard...again (!) and it actually makes me wish for 2 toddlers again (seriously).  I don't do well with change.  I want the routine.  I want the peace of mind knowing that A follows B and follows C.  Everyday is a new exception to the rules.  Everyday is a new fire to put out.

Yesterday was my last ever Junior Girl Scout meeting.  These girls are all going to different schools and joining different clubs and I don't know if they are ever going to get back together.  They gave me a book to say thank you.  A book that had a page for each of them to tell me how much I had changed their lives.  I was blown away (and yes I cried).  I needed to hear that.  In the midst of all the Chaos, I needed to hear that I helped them and made the world a better place for them and that they would take some of these lessons from Girl Scouts and bring them to their new schools.

It's funny, When my kids graduate or bridge I don't feel like I am graduating with them, but maybe I am.
Maybe I am bridging to a new part of life.   And maybe the reason I am so stressed and mad is because I really want to stay on the bridge and have both worlds.

But maybe I need to get excited about being on the other side.

Beltane Blessings

Its May, Its May

The month of yes you may...

Beltane is the opposite of Samhain...it is an in-between time of high magic and energy.  It is anticipating the light that is coming at Summer Solstice and it is a celebration of Spring to Summer.  

The holidays that precede Beltane have all talked about Spring (Imbolc and Equinox) but Beltane is when you really feel it.  You can get "twitterpated" (from the Disney movie "Bambi") you can get excited, you can get motivated, and you can get overwhelmed and feel run over.  EVERYONE wants to do things in May or in anticipation of May (this weekend alone was packed for me and the week before was planning for the weekend and ACK!).  AND THEN After May is June and after June is SUMMER!

Let's take a step back for a minute.  We, or at least I, want to be present in the day, making the day count.  Media and School and Calendars force you to look forward all. the. time.  What's next, is on everyone's lips, instead of What's NOW.  We are at NOW now... its the high energy and the happiness of finding something new.  That excitement is what spring is all about.  Beltane is the ultimate day of give me what I want RIGHT NOW and DAMN WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

So go out and get that ice cream or that pedicure.  Snatch 5 minutes RIGHT NOW to do something you never do...and enjoy it...try not to feel guilty and take some pleasure in it.  After all, this is the Month of "Yes, you May."

Happy Beltane!!

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

I am happy to report that I will be leaving on vacation and that I will return to this space in 2 weeks or so...if I have free time maybe I will post something anyway...but until then I may post a few quotes or websites that I find interesting and fun...

Like this:

‎"We are not evil. We don't harm or seduce people. We are not dangerous. We are ordinary people like you. We have families, jobs, hopes, and dreams. We are not a cult. This religion is not a joke. We are not what you think we are from looking at T.V. or movies.  We are real.  We laugh, we cry.  We are serious.  We have a sense of humor.  You don't have to be afraid of us.  We don't want to convert you.  And please don't try to convert us.  Just give us the same right we give you--to live in peace.  We are much more similar to you than you think."

~ Margot Adler

NPR Corespondent and Wicca Priestess

Have a Wonderful Spring!

DM

Steampunk Goddess

This is a beautiful modern myth...we forge our own lives...

Enjoy!

The Art of Punishment

I didn't have the Happiest of Childhoods.  Lots of things happened (that I am NOT going to get into here) and it made me to never want to have kids.  Then I met My Hubby and I thought "ok, MAYBE I will have one kid" and then BOOM we got pregnant and then we had another (so the first one wasn't lonely) and then another (oopsie).

I swore when I had this little life in me that I would do whatever I could to let her/him have a better childhood than mine.  I would play with them, cook and make projects with them, have parties and do my best to give them anything they need to be happy (that we can afford...I mean really people, some of these lessons and things are too expensive and no one needs lacrosse or drama at 3).  I was able to find gymnastics/dance/swim at reasonable prices and I also was very lucky to find a pre-school not too far away that had the perfect hours (with no volunteering, WOO!) and again a great price.  I think I did good and the kids seem to agree.  They don't want for anything.  They don't seem to whine (too much).  They ask for reasonable things and the lessons I can provide for them are fun and affordable.  They seem happy.

When they turned 5 they went to the all-day kindergarden that my town has (again, WOO!).  School starts to become more important in 4th and 5th grade and then they are shipped to middle school where it becomes: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES THE KIDS CRAZY.   I understand this and I know everyone needs downtime.  Its hard to provide downtime tho' when you have a kid who takes forever to do any kind of homework (Calculus = 2 hours, Crossword puzzle = 2 hours, Reading one chapter = 2 hours).

My husband and I have always stressed that Homework is First and everything else comes second.  Lately, its been more of a struggle because she wants extra-curricular activities and then she wants to make money babysitting and she needs to exercise...and she takes forever doing her homework.  When all of this happens on one night and she is up late let me tell you of the cranky! (Oh BOY!)

This is my little girl, my first girl, The Diva who dances around the house, loves dress up, is super helpful and patient with her brother and sister.  She holds my hand and give me hugs.  And she is growing up and I can't wait to see the woman she is becoming.

ENTER FRIDAY *DUN DUN DUUUNNNNN*

We got a call from a teacher who told us that she wasn't handing in homework, grades are being affected, "I don't think she will be ready for the tests this week"...and I froze in my tracks.

Let's backtrack a bit.  She pulled this kind of thing on us right before the holidaze and LIED about what she had to do and what she was assigned.  She did a great job of hiding all of it from us (I'm sure it was easy due to family and parties) then she got an F on her progress report (and she freaked out).  She swore it will be fine and it would never happen again.  We can contact all the teachers and see if there was anything else and really it would NEVER happen again.

And yet, here we are.

At the time of the progress report, both my husband and I thought that since she has now seen the effect of a failing grade and she had shown remorse it seemed to be punishment enough.   We don't like to punish.  Time-outs happen and we talk about why they were in time-out (jumping off the table is not acceptable behavior) but we don't like to take away anything from our kids unless we have to.  We have always explained our actions and we give plenty of warning before we lay out anything (If you do that one. more. time. the game goes away).

This was different and we knew we had to set an example.  Weeks ago, we told her that if she didn't straighten up she would lose the play.  She fell behind and we caught her lying and we gave her at least 3 or 4 more chances to do the right thing.  Then we got the phone call.  And I looked at My Hubby and I said "I don't want to take away the play.  She has a good part!  UGH!  Why couldn't she just tell the truth?  Or ask us for help?  Why do we have to do this?!  I don't want to be the parent!!!"

No parent (except for a sick few) takes any joy in punishing a child, seeing them cry is heart-wrenching and all you want to do is make it stop and make them happy.  And yet, as parents, we have to "make them cry" so we know that they know that what they did is wrong and they are feeling remorse.  We have to be firm and we have to be the bad guy and it Sucks. Royally.

When she came home I calmly took her upstairs to her room.  I asked her for all her electronics, and the script, and the CD's.  Then I told her that she was grounded.  This means she can't watch TV or any videos on the computer and she can't go to the events planned for that weekend...which included a Girl Scout overnight.  And. She. SCREAMED....and I closed the door.

I had never actually heard her scream like this.  It was sad and pathetic and it should have made me run back in and ask what was wrong.  But I went downstairs and held my head in my hands.  And I waited.  Because once you punish, all you can do is wait for the "sentence" to be over.  When I went back upstairs she was still in tears but she was doing her homework.  She pleaded with me to let her go to the overnight.  If she finished everything could she still go?  The answer was no, because she had lied for months about this.  Every time she danced downstairs singing she had finished her homework was a lie.  She begged me to just take away the play but not the overnight.  Truthfully, none of this was what we warned her about  but how could we let her do anything when we warned her not to test us to see the consequences.  Its stupid to say "Fine I'll take away the play and you can go to the party with your friends."  That is not how it works.  I looked at her and said, calmly, "I can't do that."  My insides were burning and I felt sick.

Saturday came and I left.  I don't think she thought that I would ACTUALLY leave the house without her. My Hubby told me that he held her while she cried it out.  But now she knew.  She knew this was not something we were going to back down from.  Lessons (hopefully) learned.  When I came home I didn't get a happy greeting from her.  I could tell she was really mad at me.  But what could I do?  I had to be the parent...and parents sometimes get the crappy end of the deal.  I couldn't care that she hated me or not.  I was the grown up.  It was almost like my punishment for letting her get away with it for so long.

Things have settled down since the weekend and because so many things were taken away from her (and she still isn't allowed her electronics or the TV) we were able to give her back the play.  And I could tell that she was genuinely happy to have the script back in her hands.  We gave her the script with a warning, if she falls behind again we call the drama coach and she is out.  She knows we aren't kidding and I think she is sincere.  She hugged me and said "Thank you" and kissed me on the cheek and then said "I love you".  Even after all of this, inside she is still the little girl who wants to help and snuggle and hold your hand when she walks down the street.  And inside of me is still the parent who would do anything for her...so she can be happy.

Blessed Ostara!

A Very Blessed Equinox to you!

Strength of Sun begins to grow, Seeds in dirt we set to sow.

Welcome signs of Spring's rebirth, New life emerges on the Earth.

***********************************

That's nice....isn't it?  But what if you are NOT feeling it?

There are changes happening but they involve people other than yourself and trying to work on yourself when you are in charge of 3(4) people is very difficult indeed.

No one said that there would be all this paperwork and scheduling.  No one said that there would be all of this frustration and angst.  No one said how lonely the whole thing would be and how you would lose perspective of what you looked like and presented to the world.  

A lot of it is growing pains, of cracking open the hard earth to let in water and change how you are and think.  That is spring.  Is this how Mother Earth feels?  Winter had all of us inside and she can handle a few rabbits and squirrels here and there...But once the sun gets warmer outside she has alot more to think about...more animals to tend it to and take care of.  More water and mud to watch out for.  More people walking around.  She probably enjoys the life forming but don't you think it would be hard to schedule all of that?   Can you imagine scheduling all of that?  More sports and more activities and planning for summer...I know I get frustrated and lost in the chaos...imagine what she feels like!

GAH!

I think spring always does this to me because of the sudden ramping up of EVERYTHING plus the annual "but I want to look good in a bathing suit this summer" ritual of trying to lose weight and get better about being healthy.  It is never gradual *and* it always happens when I am not ready for it.  February is fine and nice and then March hits and there are a few things and then April and BOOM...there is no more time and you are in the middle of...chaos.

GAH, indeed.

I am not going to sit here and say that we should embrace the chaos.  What I am going to say is, I feel the chaos and that it is overwhelming.  I will also say that I will do my best to take a moment everyday to see the miracle of life right before us as trees blossom and flowers bloom.  I just may be doing that in the car driving a little person to some activity or another (I know other moms who will be doing it on the soccer field).  And that is ok...Because spring is still here and that is life.  And life, no matter how chaotic, is good.

Safe From Shame

I may post something else today (or tomorrow) but here is a wonderful website that I was pointed to from Rouge Priest.  It is called Safe From Shame and she has some wonderful insight to loving yourself (or not), being the best you can be (or taking a moment) and the Judgy McJudgerson's out there who say things (when they should put a sock in it).

Enjoy and I'll be back!

Safe from Shame

Tooting My Own Horn

My self esteem has been pretty low lately.  I have never (really) cared about what people think but I have gone through waves of "This is great" to "I am crap".  I guess everyone does that a little bit but I feel that this is a theme of my life since forever.  Last year I thought having a job would help give me a boost but it left me more exhausted.  Yes, I was a little proud of what I did and it did give me a boost but when I had to quit I fell deep into another hole of "I am crap"... more like this song.

JUST A HOUSEWIFE?

It really doesn't matter if you call it a "Stay-at-home-Mom/Dad" or a "domestic engineer", it adds up to "a person who's main function is to care for the home and kids while someone else makes the money". Ancient Rome honored women with this title.  Since the men were allowed to go out and be in the military and the Senate and their minds were on "higher things" when they came home they were not allowed to run or question anything that their wives did.  The wives were in charge of the home and as such would not tolerate any back talk from the men as they didn't know what went on when they weren't there.  At least that is what researchers say happened...

Enter the women's movement and its all about choice...more importantly THAT YOU HAVE A CHOICE.  The idea that a woman has to go gently into that dark night of housewifery because of an arranged marriage or "my daddy says so" is (hopefully) gone in America and women can choose to have kids, or not...work, or not...be in charge of the house, or not.  Awesome right?  Well, yes but it can still leave some of us filling the holes that we feel with loads of other things (soap operas of the 70's and 80's became Facebook and Pinterest of the 2000's).

Since this post is about tooting my own horn (especially when I feel like I don't do anything) I am making a list of what it is I do each day:

1. Get kids up and dressed and fed and help pack lunchboxes
2. Get coffee and husband up and running (hmmm....not meant to be porny but ok)
3. Get myself healthy by walking 3 times a week for 5K (up to a jog on 2 of those k's)
4. Keep myself on track with good choices to eat despite all the sweets in the house
5. Keep my family on track to have healthy meals despite all the sweets in the house
6. Let the family have a break on the healthy stuff by providing the sweets in the house
7. Go shopping for food or supplies for the house and try to find the best prices for these things
8. Cook the healthy meals and snacks
9. Run errands such as bank, post office, dry cleaning, and pet supplies
10. Pay the bills
11. Keep the house in good order so I don't go insane
12. Do. The. Laundry.
13. Feed pets and clean their mess
14. Research fun things to do for Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts
15. Run the meetings for these things (or help run these things)
16. Call insurance companies for doctor's visits and negotiate terms
17. Make appointments for doctors/dentists/mechanic
18. Shuttle everyone to and from doctors/dentists
19. Volunteer in school for something (or go see something in school) because that is what the kids want
20. Bring children to all the extra stuff that they wanted to be signed up for
21. Pick children up from all the extra stuff that they wanted to be signed up for
22. Get special project stuff from stores that the kids "need" for whatever it is they are doing
23. Go clothes/shoe shopping with kids because suddenly things don't fit anymore
24. Help with homework
25. Gently nudge (or yell) at children to go do their homework
26. Serve dinner in a timely manner so children can go to bed
27. Give the kids some time to themselves (which usually had them finding me)
28. Get kids to go upstairs and take showers, teeth brushing, clean rooms
29. Snuggle and read stories or talk about the day
30. Sit on couch and fold laundry OR Go into kitchen and clean up
31. Collapse on couch while watching a show
32. Go up to bed and sleep until the alarm sounds so I can do it all again

This is a typical day and it doesn't include what I *may* do for me (in the 15-30 minutes in between all of that) like:

1. Yoga
2. Quilting
3. Reading
4. Singing
5. Breathing
6. Facebook
7. Email friends
8. Pinterest

AND this list does not include any fun things that we may do as a family on the weekends or seeing friends or going out on a date with the hubby (wait...that is a good idea...I should check the calendar...)

So yes...I am just a Housewife.  

AND I am a damn good one.

The Egg and Mary Magdalin

A fascinating piece From Patheos about easter/ostara and the Goddess in all of us...

I got nothing but links

There has been alot of stress and busy-ness in my life and I haven't had a chance to think about spiritual things or even put into words the wonderfulness/ridiculousness of my kids.  In other words, I got nothing.

Sometimes life is like that I guess.  You get so bogged down in the day to day movement of your world that you can't stop and think...you are always moving to the next thing.  I try to remember to breathe and say thanks but sometimes its enough that at the end of the day you fed the kids and got them safely home and you are folding laundry while watching The Daily Show.

So when I have nothing and I want to just be, and maybe find a smile or 2, here are the places I go on the Web:

Growing up with a bakery in the family makes me love Cake Wrecks.  I can't understand how a bakery would put out anything like the things on this site and Jen is really snarky.

With a love of nerdy things Epbot is fun to browse, also written by Jen of Cake Wrecks.

The new craze Pinterest is highly addicting as its just pictures from all over the web.  There is alot of crafty and inspirational stuff as well as humor and art...and you can "pin" these to your own "board" so you can find that craft that you have wanted to do for years and stare at the picture while still not doing it... guilty as charged...

Getting back to the geek, my hubby turned me on to xkcd a web comic that appears every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Sometimes I go to eBay to look for teacups (or Coach bags) or Etsy to look for jewelry (or funky sweaters).

The Bloggess is amazing, inspiring, hilarious and has made me want to go out and get a red dress and start it traveling.

This should be just enough web-surfing for those in between books and appointments and I have 15 minutes before the next thing and I want to see a pretty picture.

You're Welcome.

Happy Leap Day!
DM

Listening to your Inner Voice...NOT

I am a pretty confidant person.  I can be outlandish and I like dressing up and being crazy.  I don't mind people staring at me and mostly I welcome it.

But here is a secret, I can't stand staring at myself.

I am overweight.  I have been this way my whole life...I am always 20-50 lbs more than I should be.  I have been working on being fit since July.  I have been walking 3 miles a day 3-4 days a week increasing my speed so I am almost jogging.  No, I am not on any diet plan but I have been watching what I eat and I have cut out alot of stuff and toned down others...and I haven't really lost any weight.

That isn't to say that my body isn't changing from my efforts.  I feel good.  My t-shirts don't seem so snug.  So that is good.

I went to a yoga class on Saturday where everyone was pretty thin or at least athletic.  No one (except me from what I could see) was visibly overweight.  Now, I might be overweight but I am damn flexible and I was able to hold my own in almost all the poses...except plank.

I can't plank.  I can't get my toes to cooperate with my elbows and haul myself up off that floor.  I can't - it hurts too much.  So I try to do what I can (tensing all my muscles to a variation of plank) and I move on.

But then I looked in the mirror and all the hate filled words came tumbling out.  "You are so fat, you can't even plank, this was a stupid idea, you can't do anything right, you will never look like them, you should stop trying, you are a failure."

This is my inner bitch.  She is my inner voice that tells me that I am a failure, a nobody, a horrible mom and a stupid person...and I let her do it...almost every day.  She berates me for not doing something right or for making a wrong choice.  She is very mean and unsupportive.  She has always been the voice that would stop me from doing anything because there was a possibility that I might fail.

In other words she is usually not the best voice to listen to when you can't do a particular pose.

The instructor for the yoga class moved onto other poses and I did too.  Then she had us sit comfortably and take a ribbon from the floor and slowly wrap it up, folding it onto itself.  She told us to feel the ribbon and the workings of our hands and wrists and to present the ribbon when it is done like a flower.  I did what she asked while my inner bitch tried to yell at me some more.  I was able to still that voice as I worked and I was able to be in that moment.

At the end of class, I wanted to cry.  I tried to keep a straight poker face and to pack up my stuff and get out of there as fast I can.  The instructor came over and told me that I did very well, that I had a "good practice".  I told her that I didn't think I did at all.  Then she said that at the end when I was wrapping the ribbon and I was so present in that moment she could tell I was in the moment "and it was beautiful to watch you".

I was stunned and I thanked her and I left.  I cried later and got it all out of my system but that inner bitch voice is always there lingering.  Longing to catch me and berate me and keep me down.

But I don't have to listen to her.

Happy Venus Day!

I know its Saturday.  There was sickness lurking in my house and I was losing my mind with everyone coughing, hacking, and interrupting everything...which amounted to no post on Wednesday.  So lucky you, you get one today.  You're Welcome.

I know alot of people who HATE Valentine's day.  HATE HATE HATE.  I am in the middle somewhere...I don't hate it but I am not excited to paint the whole world pink and red.  I understand when you don't have a romance in your life you tend to hate the romantic shit.  I also understand that when you are broken up you tend to hate the romantic shit.  Even when you have romantic love in your life some people tend to go overboard with the flowers, hearts and chocolate.  Personally, I hate Valentine's Day for kids.  Kids do not know romantic love and they shouldn't be handing out Valentine's.  Turning the holiday into a friendship day is nice but that means they are still forced into giving a card that talks about friendship to a kid who is taunting them.  I remember back in elementary school watching kids throw out the Valentine's I made them.   Good times were had by all...

I am one of those people who LOVE holidays.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Anything to decorate and make it special I will throw myself into it.  But the hearts and lace and flowers are really not my cup of tea to begin with.  And a holiday that makes you sad that you aren't with someone isn't really a good reason for a holiday at all.

When I was learning All About Wicca I remember one of my friends saying "Happy Venus Day" on February 14th and I really liked that.  I never understood why the day was call Valentine's anyway and dedicated to a saint that had nothing to do with romantic love.  I know that the legend is he wrote the first Valentine and besides a pretty name what else is there?   Plus I never liked how Cupid was the main character for this holiday and why is Cupid always portrayed as an armed winged baby?  Is that because once you are in love you are supposed to want to have babies or else?

Venus is Cupid's Mother.  She is Love and he is an extension of that love.  Her myths state that she is sexual above all else and she offers prosperity and good luck but I see her as the epitome of Love Of Self.  She is confidence.  Venus knows that she is beautiful.  She knows that she can get whatever love or gifts she wants.  She never sacrifices herself to get a lover.  She brings them to Her.  She doesn't second guess her choices or her life.  She accepts it and says "Take me for what I am and love me".  There are no apologies for who she is.  She just is.  She doesn't care if no one gives her flowers.  If she wants flowers she will go get them herself, because she loves herself.

Here is a wonderful thought for your February 14th.   Dress how you want to dress.  Be yourself.  Be confidant that you are wonderful.  And above all love yourself for all that you are.  Be Venus for a day...

And wait to buy the candy on February 15th...it'll be half off...:)

In Love and Chocolate,
DM

Imbolc Song

The images in here are beautiful...Blessed Day!

Blessed Imbolc! Spring come to me!

A CELTIC ART GALLERY - THE CELTIC ART OF HAMISH BURGESS

A song for Brigit

Imbolc is a Gaelic word and it means literally “in the Belly” which some take to mean milk or milking. If we lived in a farming community, this would be the start of the breeding season and the cows have milk. But this isn't a day just about milk and cows. This time of year can also be called the Quickening. Spring is coming!!  It may not seem like it with the cold and wind but it really is. The darkest of Winter is over! The sun is staying out longer. The earth is getting soft from the snow running off as water and its muddy not icy. Dead branches have been knocked down to clear the way for new life. This is the traditional time to start planting.

Speaking of traditions, Imbolc has a wide range of them, from lesser known to what we all know. I'll start in Ireland where it was the most celebrated because this is Brigid's day – call her Goddess or Mother or Saint – Feb 2^nd is her day. Brigid is associated with sacred flames, holy wells, healing and crafts. Brigid is a virgin, yet also the patron of midwives. To honor her little dolls are made and placed in baskets on this day and these are called Brid's bed. Children can carry these from house to house to bestow blessings on the community and to “let Brigid in”. You can also make Brigid's Crosses on this day, as a matter of fact you are only supposed to make them once a year and then throw the old one on the fire – to symbolize the passing of the year. I do something similar by saving a piece of my christmas wreath or tree and I burn this on Imbolc.

Candlemas is the Christian name for this holiday. In the 4^th century, when the feast of Christmas was introduced as December 25^th  Candlemas then fell 40 days later. It is the honoring of the Virgin Mary and her Purification after giving birth. This is the most Ancient of all the festivals to honor Mary. But why candles? Well, according to Pope Innocent XII, since February was once dedicated to Demeter and Persephone and since Demeter "sought her daughter with candles" “...the holy fathers could not get rid of the custom, they ordained that Christians should carry about candles in honor of the Blessed Virgin; and thus what was done before in the honor Demeter is now done in honor of Mary” or as I like to call it, All Goddesses are one Goddess.  

So...after all of this...you may ask...Why a groundhog?

Well, it stems from an ancient belief that ANY hibernating creature is able to predict the arrival of springtime by their emergence. There have been a variety of animals that can do this: snakes, badgers, bears and when the Germans got here... they found groundhogs...

So...

If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Winter will not come again.

In order to welcome the joy of spring into our hearts we need to have a Spring Clean. The year is starting to grow and we make plans and plant seeds. What new beginnings do you want to have?

With this intention place yourself in a sacred space, take a few deep cleansing breaths. Now what spring cleaning do you need to do? Do you need to let go of self doubt? To let your fears or bygones go so that you may move forward? There is something in each of us that we need to let go of.  Shake it off of you.  Shake your head, hands, body, and feet!  Shake the negative away from you and let it fall like dust around you (and when you get a second sweep it away!)

Your mind and your heart should be less dark now.  Bring in the light...to your heart, mind and soul.  Welcome Brigid, Welcome Spring.  In Joy and Love I wish all of you a Blessed Imbolc, a warm spring and a wonderful new year. 

So mote it be.

Spring Cleaning!

January Blues

Its right there after the stress of the holidays but before spring...Sweet, Sweet January.  I look forward to January ALL DECEMBER.  Let's face it, I am a mom and I have a schload to do for the holidays (including a birthday for one of my own kids) then there are family obligations and travel then New Year's and then the kids are back in school and suddenly I am alone.

*happy sigh*

Slowly, the aloneness starts to get to me.  It may be little things like a load of laundry Every. Damn. Day. and piles of gifts that need to find a place to live, or the crunchy floor that even when you sweep something still remains (or the cat tormenting you by eating the dry food on the floor).  And I feel myself getting stressed and then depressed.

Then I go through the cycle of "But I have nothing to be depressed about!  I have friends!  I have family!  I have a good life!"  But truly none of that matters when you are feeling depressed.

There is an inside feeling of sadness and loneliness.  Its cold outside so you don't want to go out but you know you really shouldn't stay in.  The computer is wonderful but you sit all day and look for ANY email to come through.  You start playing mindless games (Angry Birds anyone?) and looking for stuff on the internet.

I usually go looking for political stuff but lately that has just got me more depressed so I try to go shopping.  What deals can I find on Ebay or Etsy?  What do I "need"?

*bored sigh*

When I get like this I know I need to snap out of it.  I make excuses though "I need the break" "I'll get to it later" "I'll wait until the kids get home".

When you are  in this state the best thing you CAN do is get up and get moving.  Break the tedium!  Even if its only for an hour...just go to the gym or outside and walk.  Go treat yourself to a cup of coffee.  Just go.  I know that for ALOT of people this is really difficult, especially for sufferers of chronic depression.  For me its not that extreme.  I do not cancel appointments or make excuses not to see people.  I am just listless in my day to day activities.  I don't call anyone to talk.  I don't ask anyone to have lunch or dinner.  I don't even watch TV.  I just sit and stare.  Sometimes its for 15 minutes, sometimes its seems all I did for the day is stare.  I wonder if I did anything wrong or why no one wants to hang out with me.

*sad sigh*

The January Blues are a real thing for me.  The good news, for me, is February is almost here.  Light is returning and Spring is on its way.  The bad news is that there are many people who are depressed and lonely right now and no week or month or holiday is going to change that.  If you can spare a moment, give a call to someone who you know who is listless or depressed.  If you can't do that, light a candle for them and send positive energy out to them that they may have a lift in their spirit and see the sun and walk outside for even a moment.

*determined sigh*

And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to stop staring and walk outside.
Peace,
DM

CALL YOUR CONGRESS-CRITTER

Why is it ok for the rich and famous to get time with the people that WE voted for?  Why can't we call them and tell them how we feel about laws that they are voting on?

Oh wait...WE CAN?  Then WE SHOULD!

Call your local Congress-person or Senator and Ask about SOPA and PIPA.  You can even tell them about your day to day struggles.  But make sure that you tell them that we voted them in and we can vote them out!

How you find your representative

How you find your Senator

Please call them today and keep the internet free.

Thank you
DM

Find your Power

I have two sets of Girl Scouts who are going to try to get their Bronze and Silver awards this year.  This involves independent community based service projects.  When they choose their teams they need to think about what they can bring to the team and what the others on the team can bring.  There are a few girls who will not make phone calls but they can make posters.  There are girls that will not speak in front of a crowd but they can help plan.  Each girl is learning that just because one person can do something it doesn't mean that the other girls who CAN'T do it are not good or have nothing to give to the team...they have other talents and that is ok.

I think we get caught up in what we can't do (or what we want to have that we don't) and we don't notice what we CAN do.  We fail to recognize our strengths and we focus (ALOT) on our weaknesses.  That isn't  good for your own sense of self and its not good for those around you.  Chances are if you have good friends surrounding you they know what you can't do and they accept it for who you are.  They build up your strengths.  They see you as an equal and they want to see you succeed.  If all you do when you are with them is talk about what you can't do or what you don't have chances are they will let you complain but they are sad that you can't see what your strengths are and what you have.

On the other side of the coin are those people who have the talents and they ignore them.  They say that what they are good at isn't anything important or they fail to realize that they even have a talent.  They can wallow in delusion and self pity because they are not happy and they can't understand why.  They don't recognize the power inside of themselves and they will not change.  This can be a dangerous combination. People like that can infect the crowd around them and then everyone will feel the sadness of what they haven't been able to achieve.

Everyone's path is different.  Sometimes we are able to walk with people for a long time on the same path.  Sometimes its just for a few feet before life changes and we separate.  That is how life is.  The people that you meet on your path are really special.  They may have a lesson or story to give you and you may have something they need.  You are together while you are working it out and giving each other advice and love.  When you move on it can be sad ("I can't believe that she just doesn't understand me anymore, we used to be such good friends!") but maybe its time that you move on too.  There are always other people around the corner willing to help and embrace you but you have to be open to it.  Of course there is a chance that you could chase them away but there is a possibility that you will find something really special after all.

Embrace who you are.  Embrace what you have to give to the world.  Recognize your power.
In turn, do this for everyone that you meet.
Happiness is this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU&feature=youtu.be

Discovering the Sacred

This is a wonderful article on what Spirituality is and how to nurture it:

Lori Deschene on Patheos.com

Enjoy!
DM

Happy New Year!!

A Very Belated and Blessed 2012 to ALL!!

I have been quiet because I was happily overrun with family at the holidaze and after party after party after travel after helping hosting after friends after travel after "What do you mean you have HOMEWORK OVER VACATION?!?" after sick after better after dazed...there is the bliss of no one in my house but me and cats.

Silence is a wonderful blessed thing.  I am very lucky that my mind has been pretty clear.  Oh, there has been stress but under it is a calm.  This calm says, calmly, "get through this and then rest."

And that is what I have been doing.

I don't know if its because I am just getting older and slowing down (down from 100 mph to maybe 70 mph BTW) or if I have found a kind of peace.  If its peace then its knowing that I am ok and my life is ok and I don't need the validation anymore.  Maybe its the peace of "oh thank goddess the holidaze are over" or the peace and promise of a new year.  If its slowing down and my body is (rightfully) protecting me than so be it.  I need the protection.  I have miles to go before I am old and feeble and whatever help my body wants to give me then I will take it.

Winter is the time of hibernation.  Winter is the time of coming back to you before the blossoms of spring rouse you to go out and see the world.  Maybe that is what I am doing...well, whatever it is I like it.

Have a cup of tea with me and bask in the warmth and the silence,
Until next time,
DM