I have been busybusybusybusy. My family has not been very cooperative. The schedule has not been very cooperative It has been just a race around town coupled with the occasional "Oh CRAP! When did we run out of (insert something of great importance that you need right now)?!" On top of little emergencies (and big ones) I have not had a chance to breathe or have a moment to think.
Samhain is this weekend and I will have a chance to breathe. My Coven Sisters come to my house and We eat and drink and we have time to talk of our lives and our spirituality. We will have time to do ritual. We will have time to just sit. I am hoping that we get a call from my California Sister on Sunday night and we can be in circle together. We will trick or treat together on Monday evening with all 7 kids (our own personal chaos cloud) and hopefully we will remember to bring a drink or 2 (Hot Toddies may be appropriate).
On Sunday at the UU church I will be helping the community celebrate Samhain. I didn't write a meditation about death and dying but rather on fear. We all have fears and we all get afraid. Fear can hold us back. Its what holds our hearts...this "what MIGHT happen" can even stop us from living. Sometimes the fear is founded: watching a childhood friend choke to death and then being super aware about whatever goes in your kid's mouths. Sometimes the fear is not: just because a child got taken on a street 300 miles from you doesn't mean you can't send your kids outside alone in their backyard. Fear can make us do stupid things: following a school bus to school because you think it may get into an accident. Fear can also make us to smart things: little plastic bits in electrical sockets so that the toddler does not hurt himself or burn the house down.
Fear is a part of life. The fear that I want to talk about is the fear of ourselves. Humans are creatures of habit and when we are used to something we want to keep it that way. It takes alot to change. We are afraid of ourselves...what MIGHT be if we stopped being afraid. Well? What might be if we stopped being afraid? Would life get brighter and better or would you say "I knew it...bad things always happen!"
I believe that we write our own life. I believe that if you think that bad things always happen then they will. I believe that you can always find the good in a situation and concentrate on that good. I believe that even in the darkest times in our lives we can choose to be brave and to say "no" and not roll over. Things weren't always meant to go your way but the way you deal with them says a lot more about you than you think.
Hiding away from what may be isn't the answer.
Saying that life will never change isn't the answer.
Thinking that things will always be this way isn't the answer.
Living is the answer. Going forward and choosing to NOT be afraid and do something about your misery is the answer. People are funny. If you ask for help you may just get it. You may think that no one likes you and you can't...and you may be very wrong. If you stop making excuses you may just find that life is more livable. You need to stop fearing the unknown.
So get comfortable and take a moment and name your fears. Write them down. Keep them in mind as you go about your day. How much do they effect you? At the end of the day rip up the paper and let them go. They aren't in charge of you. They are not necessarily your friends. They may be what is holding you back from being the best you.
Keep this in mind... all the little monsters come to your door this Halloween are a type of fear. If you give them a little candy they will go. Let them.
Blessed Samhain,
DM
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Let Us Pray
What is Prayer to you? Is it a feeling or is it a set of words? Is it on your knees or laying in bed? Is it looking at the beauty of nature or is it a special place? Is it Active or is it Passive?
Sometimes prayer is a passive thing, like asking of favors from your God. Sometimes it is a form of therapy, like talking out all your problems to your God, hoping for guidance. Sometimes prayer is an active thing, like wanting to change your life and then taking steps to do just that. Yes, prayer can be just that...
Prayer is usually defined as a meditation with a God/s. We come to the Spirit often asking for things and the action of asking and the subsequent relief or weight lifted from our being leads us to believe that the Spirit has "heard our prayers". We ask for all sorts of favors or to heal or to help. We ask for forgiveness when we have hurt someone or done something wrong. This is Passive Prayer. It is good it feels great.
If, after you have asked for forgiveness from your God/s, you go out and say you're sorry to the person you hurt, that is Active Prayer. It feels even better.
When I went to my Catholic Church I would pray fervently to my God. I felt that if I prayed well and long with the rosary or with the Bible He would hear me. I felt that prayer was enough. God would answer my prayers, not always in a positive way but I felt at peace knowing that He was watching out for me and my requests. I felt that He would not steer me wrong and prayer helped me be one with this. For me that is where prayer stopped.
When I went to Circle I would pray fervently too. I would light candles (like I did at church) and I would ask favors. The key difference to me was in Circle I couldn't "stop praying" I had to take it a step further. This is also known in Circles as Spellcasting. Really! Its True! Spellcasting, or Prayer, is asking for favors and then changing your behavior to get what it is you want. Here is an example, let's say you wanted a raise. In Church, you could pray that you would get a raise then your could go about your business hoping that this prayer would come true. In Wicca, you would craft a money spell and meditate on it. You could even count coins and put them in the dish with the candle. The next day you could get the energy to look into what to do to help this Spell along. Maybe its asking your boss for what you could do to get the raise or being mindful of your behavior. Now I am not saying that the above couldn't happen with Passive Prayer. I am saying that for me I got the sense that I should DO something rather than just sit and hope and wish. I found that for me lighting the candles and opening the Bible wasn't enough anymore. I had to take the next step.
I feel that I became more active in my love of God/s. Instead of feeling that He was far away watching me I felt that She was walking with me and guiding me. I became more aware of what I was doing and I tried to change my behavior to get the things that I wanted. Sometimes it worked out very well. Sometimes I had to do more. I would pray harder the next time and I didn't give up hope. I found that God didn't just answer with a yes or a no...sometimes the answer was "Make It Happen".
Blessed Full Moon!
DM
Sometimes prayer is a passive thing, like asking of favors from your God. Sometimes it is a form of therapy, like talking out all your problems to your God, hoping for guidance. Sometimes prayer is an active thing, like wanting to change your life and then taking steps to do just that. Yes, prayer can be just that...
Prayer is usually defined as a meditation with a God/s. We come to the Spirit often asking for things and the action of asking and the subsequent relief or weight lifted from our being leads us to believe that the Spirit has "heard our prayers". We ask for all sorts of favors or to heal or to help. We ask for forgiveness when we have hurt someone or done something wrong. This is Passive Prayer. It is good it feels great.
If, after you have asked for forgiveness from your God/s, you go out and say you're sorry to the person you hurt, that is Active Prayer. It feels even better.
When I went to my Catholic Church I would pray fervently to my God. I felt that if I prayed well and long with the rosary or with the Bible He would hear me. I felt that prayer was enough. God would answer my prayers, not always in a positive way but I felt at peace knowing that He was watching out for me and my requests. I felt that He would not steer me wrong and prayer helped me be one with this. For me that is where prayer stopped.
When I went to Circle I would pray fervently too. I would light candles (like I did at church) and I would ask favors. The key difference to me was in Circle I couldn't "stop praying" I had to take it a step further. This is also known in Circles as Spellcasting. Really! Its True! Spellcasting, or Prayer, is asking for favors and then changing your behavior to get what it is you want. Here is an example, let's say you wanted a raise. In Church, you could pray that you would get a raise then your could go about your business hoping that this prayer would come true. In Wicca, you would craft a money spell and meditate on it. You could even count coins and put them in the dish with the candle. The next day you could get the energy to look into what to do to help this Spell along. Maybe its asking your boss for what you could do to get the raise or being mindful of your behavior. Now I am not saying that the above couldn't happen with Passive Prayer. I am saying that for me I got the sense that I should DO something rather than just sit and hope and wish. I found that for me lighting the candles and opening the Bible wasn't enough anymore. I had to take the next step.
I feel that I became more active in my love of God/s. Instead of feeling that He was far away watching me I felt that She was walking with me and guiding me. I became more aware of what I was doing and I tried to change my behavior to get the things that I wanted. Sometimes it worked out very well. Sometimes I had to do more. I would pray harder the next time and I didn't give up hope. I found that God didn't just answer with a yes or a no...sometimes the answer was "Make It Happen".
Blessed Full Moon!
DM
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Under the knife...
I am a fairly healthy plus sized woman. I don't sit around all day and eat lots of snacks. I do indulge in wine or beer almost every night, however, we are talking 1 or 2 not the whole bottle/six pack. I don't drink soda. I do drink 1 cup of coffee a day and its espresso because I am a coffee snob (its a symptom of running a cafe when I lived in NYC). I have 3 kids and I am very involved with them. I am a Girl Scout leader and I believe in Scouting as a great program, so even though I am NOT a Boy Scout leader my son goes to Scouts. I enjoy hiking. I love to dance. It brings me peace and joy when I dance...a moving meditation if you will. When I sit still I fall asleep because I have been active in my mind and in my body all day.
I have had knee surgery before and each time I was told to "get my weight down". In order to do that you need exercise and a healthy diet right? So I do that and then my other knee will have an issue...and then I am told to "get my weight down". It is a cycle of madness. I started to work out this summer. I was watching what I was eating and working out 4 times a week, walking, machines, dancing, weights, aerobics...and now my knee has gone out again and I need surgery AGAIN. And like magic the doctor said "You have to get your weight down." Yeah, I know...
First of all, I have lived in this body for many moons now...I think I know I am not (nor will I ever be) a size 8. Pointing it out to me makes me - in no particular order - sad, ashamed, angry, depressed, embarrassed and rebellious (oh yeah well I will go to KFC and eat a WHOLE BUCKET of chicken...I'll show you who's fat!!). I am not the size of a circus tent however, I don't need a crane to get me out of the house. I am not an old lady whose bones are so brittle the wind blows and they break. I am a "middle aged active woman" and I don't think any doctor really knows how to deal with that.
Secondly, I WAS IN PROCESS OF DOING THAT WHEN I GOT INJURED!!
I understand the doctors are trying to help, but telling me that I "need to get the weight down" does not help. When I tell them what exercise I like to do they look at me and say I "can't". I "can't" dance, do yoga, go walking outside, bike outside and absolutely no jogging. When I asked him what I CAN do he looked at me like I have 3 heads. I had to pull teeth to get an answer the other day. I CAN swim (bleh) I CAN walk on a treadmill (?) and I CAN bike on a stationary bike (??). Wait...What? The Doc would prefer that I don't do these same activities outside because of problems with the roads...but if I know where I can walk outside where there are no bumps or hills or pitfalls that should be okay, right? No answer...
I can't seem to get a straight answer from a physical therapist either. I think that they are used to working with people who are always stationary. I tried to go to a sports therapist but I wasn't thrilled with the price or the utter lack of enthusiasm (mmm, you aren't thin so you must not understand what you want). Its really not that hard and I can't explain it any better than I already have. I am an active middle aged woman. I have 3 kids and I have to chase them. I like to hike and dance. FIX ME SO I CAN DO THESE THINGS!!
*sigh* I need to schedule surgery before I injure myself further. I don't know when that would be "convenient" to my schedule because I am (and my kids are) active and we have a lot of stuff already on the schedule for the fall. I don't know what to do about workouts now either. Usually I fall back on food and eat badly, but I don't want to and so the cookies and candy aren't being touched...and through all of this I am not losing weight or gaining weight. I have maintained the same weight for 3 years (I just had a physical and it was confirmed). It is a cycle of madness and I want off the cycle.
I want to be given helpful advice from a Doc who understands what it is that I do. I want to know what the best course of action is on diet and exercise that will make me happy and fit. I want to be congratulated on not blowing up to the size of a small car because every so often I go out to eat. I don't want to be a buff bodybuilder...I just want to be the best me I can be.
So why does that feel like its too much to ask for?
I have had knee surgery before and each time I was told to "get my weight down". In order to do that you need exercise and a healthy diet right? So I do that and then my other knee will have an issue...and then I am told to "get my weight down". It is a cycle of madness. I started to work out this summer. I was watching what I was eating and working out 4 times a week, walking, machines, dancing, weights, aerobics...and now my knee has gone out again and I need surgery AGAIN. And like magic the doctor said "You have to get your weight down." Yeah, I know...
First of all, I have lived in this body for many moons now...I think I know I am not (nor will I ever be) a size 8. Pointing it out to me makes me - in no particular order - sad, ashamed, angry, depressed, embarrassed and rebellious (oh yeah well I will go to KFC and eat a WHOLE BUCKET of chicken...I'll show you who's fat!!). I am not the size of a circus tent however, I don't need a crane to get me out of the house. I am not an old lady whose bones are so brittle the wind blows and they break. I am a "middle aged active woman" and I don't think any doctor really knows how to deal with that.
Secondly, I WAS IN PROCESS OF DOING THAT WHEN I GOT INJURED!!
I understand the doctors are trying to help, but telling me that I "need to get the weight down" does not help. When I tell them what exercise I like to do they look at me and say I "can't". I "can't" dance, do yoga, go walking outside, bike outside and absolutely no jogging. When I asked him what I CAN do he looked at me like I have 3 heads. I had to pull teeth to get an answer the other day. I CAN swim (bleh) I CAN walk on a treadmill (?) and I CAN bike on a stationary bike (??). Wait...What? The Doc would prefer that I don't do these same activities outside because of problems with the roads...but if I know where I can walk outside where there are no bumps or hills or pitfalls that should be okay, right? No answer...
I can't seem to get a straight answer from a physical therapist either. I think that they are used to working with people who are always stationary. I tried to go to a sports therapist but I wasn't thrilled with the price or the utter lack of enthusiasm (mmm, you aren't thin so you must not understand what you want). Its really not that hard and I can't explain it any better than I already have. I am an active middle aged woman. I have 3 kids and I have to chase them. I like to hike and dance. FIX ME SO I CAN DO THESE THINGS!!
*sigh* I need to schedule surgery before I injure myself further. I don't know when that would be "convenient" to my schedule because I am (and my kids are) active and we have a lot of stuff already on the schedule for the fall. I don't know what to do about workouts now either. Usually I fall back on food and eat badly, but I don't want to and so the cookies and candy aren't being touched...and through all of this I am not losing weight or gaining weight. I have maintained the same weight for 3 years (I just had a physical and it was confirmed). It is a cycle of madness and I want off the cycle.
I want to be given helpful advice from a Doc who understands what it is that I do. I want to know what the best course of action is on diet and exercise that will make me happy and fit. I want to be congratulated on not blowing up to the size of a small car because every so often I go out to eat. I don't want to be a buff bodybuilder...I just want to be the best me I can be.
So why does that feel like its too much to ask for?
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