There has been alot of stress and busy-ness in my life and I haven't had a chance to think about spiritual things or even put into words the wonderfulness/ridiculousness of my kids. In other words, I got nothing.
Sometimes life is like that I guess. You get so bogged down in the day to day movement of your world that you can't stop and think...you are always moving to the next thing. I try to remember to breathe and say thanks but sometimes its enough that at the end of the day you fed the kids and got them safely home and you are folding laundry while watching The Daily Show.
So when I have nothing and I want to just be, and maybe find a smile or 2, here are the places I go on the Web:
Growing up with a bakery in the family makes me love Cake Wrecks. I can't understand how a bakery would put out anything like the things on this site and Jen is really snarky.
With a love of nerdy things Epbot is fun to browse, also written by Jen of Cake Wrecks.
The new craze Pinterest is highly addicting as its just pictures from all over the web. There is alot of crafty and inspirational stuff as well as humor and art...and you can "pin" these to your own "board" so you can find that craft that you have wanted to do for years and stare at the picture while still not doing it... guilty as charged...
Getting back to the geek, my hubby turned me on to xkcd a web comic that appears every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Sometimes I go to eBay to look for teacups (or Coach bags) or Etsy to look for jewelry (or funky sweaters).
The Bloggess is amazing, inspiring, hilarious and has made me want to go out and get a red dress and start it traveling.
This should be just enough web-surfing for those in between books and appointments and I have 15 minutes before the next thing and I want to see a pretty picture.
You're Welcome.
Happy Leap Day!
DM
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Listening to your Inner Voice...NOT
I am a pretty confidant person. I can be outlandish and I like dressing up and being crazy. I don't mind people staring at me and mostly I welcome it.
But here is a secret, I can't stand staring at myself.
I am overweight. I have been this way my whole life...I am always 20-50 lbs more than I should be. I have been working on being fit since July. I have been walking 3 miles a day 3-4 days a week increasing my speed so I am almost jogging. No, I am not on any diet plan but I have been watching what I eat and I have cut out alot of stuff and toned down others...and I haven't really lost any weight.
That isn't to say that my body isn't changing from my efforts. I feel good. My t-shirts don't seem so snug. So that is good.
I went to a yoga class on Saturday where everyone was pretty thin or at least athletic. No one (except me from what I could see) was visibly overweight. Now, I might be overweight but I am damn flexible and I was able to hold my own in almost all the poses...except plank.
I can't plank. I can't get my toes to cooperate with my elbows and haul myself up off that floor. I can't - it hurts too much. So I try to do what I can (tensing all my muscles to a variation of plank) and I move on.
But then I looked in the mirror and all the hate filled words came tumbling out. "You are so fat, you can't even plank, this was a stupid idea, you can't do anything right, you will never look like them, you should stop trying, you are a failure."
This is my inner bitch. She is my inner voice that tells me that I am a failure, a nobody, a horrible mom and a stupid person...and I let her do it...almost every day. She berates me for not doing something right or for making a wrong choice. She is very mean and unsupportive. She has always been the voice that would stop me from doing anything because there was a possibility that I might fail.
In other words she is usually not the best voice to listen to when you can't do a particular pose.
The instructor for the yoga class moved onto other poses and I did too. Then she had us sit comfortably and take a ribbon from the floor and slowly wrap it up, folding it onto itself. She told us to feel the ribbon and the workings of our hands and wrists and to present the ribbon when it is done like a flower. I did what she asked while my inner bitch tried to yell at me some more. I was able to still that voice as I worked and I was able to be in that moment.
At the end of class, I wanted to cry. I tried to keep a straight poker face and to pack up my stuff and get out of there as fast I can. The instructor came over and told me that I did very well, that I had a "good practice". I told her that I didn't think I did at all. Then she said that at the end when I was wrapping the ribbon and I was so present in that moment she could tell I was in the moment "and it was beautiful to watch you".
I was stunned and I thanked her and I left. I cried later and got it all out of my system but that inner bitch voice is always there lingering. Longing to catch me and berate me and keep me down.
But I don't have to listen to her.
But here is a secret, I can't stand staring at myself.
I am overweight. I have been this way my whole life...I am always 20-50 lbs more than I should be. I have been working on being fit since July. I have been walking 3 miles a day 3-4 days a week increasing my speed so I am almost jogging. No, I am not on any diet plan but I have been watching what I eat and I have cut out alot of stuff and toned down others...and I haven't really lost any weight.
That isn't to say that my body isn't changing from my efforts. I feel good. My t-shirts don't seem so snug. So that is good.
I went to a yoga class on Saturday where everyone was pretty thin or at least athletic. No one (except me from what I could see) was visibly overweight. Now, I might be overweight but I am damn flexible and I was able to hold my own in almost all the poses...except plank.
I can't plank. I can't get my toes to cooperate with my elbows and haul myself up off that floor. I can't - it hurts too much. So I try to do what I can (tensing all my muscles to a variation of plank) and I move on.
But then I looked in the mirror and all the hate filled words came tumbling out. "You are so fat, you can't even plank, this was a stupid idea, you can't do anything right, you will never look like them, you should stop trying, you are a failure."
This is my inner bitch. She is my inner voice that tells me that I am a failure, a nobody, a horrible mom and a stupid person...and I let her do it...almost every day. She berates me for not doing something right or for making a wrong choice. She is very mean and unsupportive. She has always been the voice that would stop me from doing anything because there was a possibility that I might fail.
In other words she is usually not the best voice to listen to when you can't do a particular pose.
The instructor for the yoga class moved onto other poses and I did too. Then she had us sit comfortably and take a ribbon from the floor and slowly wrap it up, folding it onto itself. She told us to feel the ribbon and the workings of our hands and wrists and to present the ribbon when it is done like a flower. I did what she asked while my inner bitch tried to yell at me some more. I was able to still that voice as I worked and I was able to be in that moment.
At the end of class, I wanted to cry. I tried to keep a straight poker face and to pack up my stuff and get out of there as fast I can. The instructor came over and told me that I did very well, that I had a "good practice". I told her that I didn't think I did at all. Then she said that at the end when I was wrapping the ribbon and I was so present in that moment she could tell I was in the moment "and it was beautiful to watch you".
I was stunned and I thanked her and I left. I cried later and got it all out of my system but that inner bitch voice is always there lingering. Longing to catch me and berate me and keep me down.
But I don't have to listen to her.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Happy Venus Day!
I know its Saturday. There was sickness lurking in my house and I was losing my mind with everyone coughing, hacking, and interrupting everything...which amounted to no post on Wednesday. So lucky you, you get one today. You're Welcome.
I know alot of people who HATE Valentine's day. HATE HATE HATE. I am in the middle somewhere...I don't hate it but I am not excited to paint the whole world pink and red. I understand when you don't have a romance in your life you tend to hate the romantic shit. I also understand that when you are broken up you tend to hate the romantic shit. Even when you have romantic love in your life some people tend to go overboard with the flowers, hearts and chocolate. Personally, I hate Valentine's Day for kids. Kids do not know romantic love and they shouldn't be handing out Valentine's. Turning the holiday into a friendship day is nice but that means they are still forced into giving a card that talks about friendship to a kid who is taunting them. I remember back in elementary school watching kids throw out the Valentine's I made them. Good times were had by all...
I am one of those people who LOVE holidays. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Anything to decorate and make it special I will throw myself into it. But the hearts and lace and flowers are really not my cup of tea to begin with. And a holiday that makes you sad that you aren't with someone isn't really a good reason for a holiday at all.
When I was learning All About Wicca I remember one of my friends saying "Happy Venus Day" on February 14th and I really liked that. I never understood why the day was call Valentine's anyway and dedicated to a saint that had nothing to do with romantic love. I know that the legend is he wrote the first Valentine and besides a pretty name what else is there? Plus I never liked how Cupid was the main character for this holiday and why is Cupid always portrayed as an armed winged baby? Is that because once you are in love you are supposed to want to have babies or else?
Venus is Cupid's Mother. She is Love and he is an extension of that love. Her myths state that she is sexual above all else and she offers prosperity and good luck but I see her as the epitome of Love Of Self. She is confidence. Venus knows that she is beautiful. She knows that she can get whatever love or gifts she wants. She never sacrifices herself to get a lover. She brings them to Her. She doesn't second guess her choices or her life. She accepts it and says "Take me for what I am and love me". There are no apologies for who she is. She just is. She doesn't care if no one gives her flowers. If she wants flowers she will go get them herself, because she loves herself.
Here is a wonderful thought for your February 14th. Dress how you want to dress. Be yourself. Be confidant that you are wonderful. And above all love yourself for all that you are. Be Venus for a day...
And wait to buy the candy on February 15th...it'll be half off...:)
In Love and Chocolate,
DM
I know alot of people who HATE Valentine's day. HATE HATE HATE. I am in the middle somewhere...I don't hate it but I am not excited to paint the whole world pink and red. I understand when you don't have a romance in your life you tend to hate the romantic shit. I also understand that when you are broken up you tend to hate the romantic shit. Even when you have romantic love in your life some people tend to go overboard with the flowers, hearts and chocolate. Personally, I hate Valentine's Day for kids. Kids do not know romantic love and they shouldn't be handing out Valentine's. Turning the holiday into a friendship day is nice but that means they are still forced into giving a card that talks about friendship to a kid who is taunting them. I remember back in elementary school watching kids throw out the Valentine's I made them. Good times were had by all...
I am one of those people who LOVE holidays. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Anything to decorate and make it special I will throw myself into it. But the hearts and lace and flowers are really not my cup of tea to begin with. And a holiday that makes you sad that you aren't with someone isn't really a good reason for a holiday at all.
When I was learning All About Wicca I remember one of my friends saying "Happy Venus Day" on February 14th and I really liked that. I never understood why the day was call Valentine's anyway and dedicated to a saint that had nothing to do with romantic love. I know that the legend is he wrote the first Valentine and besides a pretty name what else is there? Plus I never liked how Cupid was the main character for this holiday and why is Cupid always portrayed as an armed winged baby? Is that because once you are in love you are supposed to want to have babies or else?
Venus is Cupid's Mother. She is Love and he is an extension of that love. Her myths state that she is sexual above all else and she offers prosperity and good luck but I see her as the epitome of Love Of Self. She is confidence. Venus knows that she is beautiful. She knows that she can get whatever love or gifts she wants. She never sacrifices herself to get a lover. She brings them to Her. She doesn't second guess her choices or her life. She accepts it and says "Take me for what I am and love me". There are no apologies for who she is. She just is. She doesn't care if no one gives her flowers. If she wants flowers she will go get them herself, because she loves herself.
Here is a wonderful thought for your February 14th. Dress how you want to dress. Be yourself. Be confidant that you are wonderful. And above all love yourself for all that you are. Be Venus for a day...
And wait to buy the candy on February 15th...it'll be half off...:)
In Love and Chocolate,
DM
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Blessed Imbolc! Spring come to me!
Imbolc is a Gaelic word and it means literally “in the Belly” which some take to mean milk or milking. If we lived in a farming community, this would be the start of the breeding season and the cows have milk. But this isn't a day just about milk and cows. This time of year can also be called the Quickening. Spring is coming!! It may not seem like it with the cold and wind but it really is. The darkest of Winter is over! The sun is staying out longer. The earth is getting soft from the snow running off as water and its muddy not icy. Dead branches have been knocked down to clear the way for new life. This is the traditional time to start planting.
Speaking of traditions, Imbolc has a wide range of them, from lesser known to what we all know. I'll start in Ireland where it was the most celebrated because this is Brigid's day – call her Goddess or Mother or Saint – Feb 2nd is her day. Brigid is associated with sacred flames, holy wells, healing and crafts. Brigid is a virgin, yet also the patron of midwives. To honor her little dolls are made and placed in baskets on this day and these are called Brid's bed. Children can carry these from house to house to bestow blessings on the community and to “let Brigid in”. You can also make Brigid's Crosses on this day, as a matter of fact you are only supposed to make them once a year and then throw the old one on the fire – to symbolize the passing of the year. I do something similar by saving a piece of my christmas wreath or tree and I burn this on Imbolc.
Candlemas is the Christian name for this holiday. In the 4th century, when the feast of Christmas was introduced as December 25th Candlemas then fell 40 days later. It is the honoring of the Virgin Mary and her Purification after giving birth. This is the most Ancient of all the festivals to honor Mary. But why candles? Well, according to Pope Innocent XII, since February was once dedicated to Demeter and Persephone and since Demeter "sought her daughter with candles" “...the holy fathers could not get rid of the custom, they ordained that Christians should carry about candles in honor of the Blessed Virgin; and thus what was done before in the honor Demeter is now done in honor of Mary” or as I like to call it, All Goddesses are one Goddess.
So...after all of this...you may ask...Why a groundhog?
Well, it stems from an ancient belief that ANY hibernating creature is able to predict the arrival of springtime by their emergence. There have been a variety of animals that can do this: snakes, badgers, bears and when the Germans got here... they found groundhogs...
So...
If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Winter will not come again.
Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Winter will not come again.
In order to welcome the joy of spring into our hearts we need to have a Spring Clean. The year is starting to grow and we make plans and plant seeds. What new beginnings do you want to have?
With this intention place yourself in a sacred space, take a few deep cleansing breaths. Now what spring cleaning do you need to do? Do you need to let go of self doubt? To let your fears or bygones go so that you may move forward? There is something in each of us that we need to let go of. Shake it off of you. Shake your head, hands, body, and feet! Shake the negative away from you and let it fall like dust around you (and when you get a second sweep it away!)
Your mind and your heart should be less dark now. Bring in the light...to your heart, mind and soul. Welcome Brigid, Welcome Spring. In Joy and Love I wish all of you a Blessed Imbolc, a warm spring and a wonderful new year.
So mote it be.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
January Blues
Its right there after the stress of the holidays but before spring...Sweet, Sweet January. I look forward to January ALL DECEMBER. Let's face it, I am a mom and I have a schload to do for the holidays (including a birthday for one of my own kids) then there are family obligations and travel then New Year's and then the kids are back in school and suddenly I am alone.
*happy sigh*
Slowly, the aloneness starts to get to me. It may be little things like a load of laundry Every. Damn. Day. and piles of gifts that need to find a place to live, or the crunchy floor that even when you sweep something still remains (or the cat tormenting you by eating the dry food on the floor). And I feel myself getting stressed and then depressed.
Then I go through the cycle of "But I have nothing to be depressed about! I have friends! I have family! I have a good life!" But truly none of that matters when you are feeling depressed.
There is an inside feeling of sadness and loneliness. Its cold outside so you don't want to go out but you know you really shouldn't stay in. The computer is wonderful but you sit all day and look for ANY email to come through. You start playing mindless games (Angry Birds anyone?) and looking for stuff on the internet.
I usually go looking for political stuff but lately that has just got me more depressed so I try to go shopping. What deals can I find on Ebay or Etsy? What do I "need"?
*bored sigh*
When I get like this I know I need to snap out of it. I make excuses though "I need the break" "I'll get to it later" "I'll wait until the kids get home".
When you are in this state the best thing you CAN do is get up and get moving. Break the tedium! Even if its only for an hour...just go to the gym or outside and walk. Go treat yourself to a cup of coffee. Just go. I know that for ALOT of people this is really difficult, especially for sufferers of chronic depression. For me its not that extreme. I do not cancel appointments or make excuses not to see people. I am just listless in my day to day activities. I don't call anyone to talk. I don't ask anyone to have lunch or dinner. I don't even watch TV. I just sit and stare. Sometimes its for 15 minutes, sometimes its seems all I did for the day is stare. I wonder if I did anything wrong or why no one wants to hang out with me.
*sad sigh*
The January Blues are a real thing for me. The good news, for me, is February is almost here. Light is returning and Spring is on its way. The bad news is that there are many people who are depressed and lonely right now and no week or month or holiday is going to change that. If you can spare a moment, give a call to someone who you know who is listless or depressed. If you can't do that, light a candle for them and send positive energy out to them that they may have a lift in their spirit and see the sun and walk outside for even a moment.
*determined sigh*
And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to stop staring and walk outside.
Peace,
DM
*happy sigh*
Slowly, the aloneness starts to get to me. It may be little things like a load of laundry Every. Damn. Day. and piles of gifts that need to find a place to live, or the crunchy floor that even when you sweep something still remains (or the cat tormenting you by eating the dry food on the floor). And I feel myself getting stressed and then depressed.
Then I go through the cycle of "But I have nothing to be depressed about! I have friends! I have family! I have a good life!" But truly none of that matters when you are feeling depressed.
There is an inside feeling of sadness and loneliness. Its cold outside so you don't want to go out but you know you really shouldn't stay in. The computer is wonderful but you sit all day and look for ANY email to come through. You start playing mindless games (Angry Birds anyone?) and looking for stuff on the internet.
I usually go looking for political stuff but lately that has just got me more depressed so I try to go shopping. What deals can I find on Ebay or Etsy? What do I "need"?
*bored sigh*
When I get like this I know I need to snap out of it. I make excuses though "I need the break" "I'll get to it later" "I'll wait until the kids get home".
When you are in this state the best thing you CAN do is get up and get moving. Break the tedium! Even if its only for an hour...just go to the gym or outside and walk. Go treat yourself to a cup of coffee. Just go. I know that for ALOT of people this is really difficult, especially for sufferers of chronic depression. For me its not that extreme. I do not cancel appointments or make excuses not to see people. I am just listless in my day to day activities. I don't call anyone to talk. I don't ask anyone to have lunch or dinner. I don't even watch TV. I just sit and stare. Sometimes its for 15 minutes, sometimes its seems all I did for the day is stare. I wonder if I did anything wrong or why no one wants to hang out with me.
*sad sigh*
The January Blues are a real thing for me. The good news, for me, is February is almost here. Light is returning and Spring is on its way. The bad news is that there are many people who are depressed and lonely right now and no week or month or holiday is going to change that. If you can spare a moment, give a call to someone who you know who is listless or depressed. If you can't do that, light a candle for them and send positive energy out to them that they may have a lift in their spirit and see the sun and walk outside for even a moment.
*determined sigh*
And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to stop staring and walk outside.
Peace,
DM
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
CALL YOUR CONGRESS-CRITTER
Why is it ok for the rich and famous to get time with the people that WE voted for? Why can't we call them and tell them how we feel about laws that they are voting on?
Oh wait...WE CAN? Then WE SHOULD!
Call your local Congress-person or Senator and Ask about SOPA and PIPA. You can even tell them about your day to day struggles. But make sure that you tell them that we voted them in and we can vote them out!
How you find your representative
How you find your Senator
Please call them today and keep the internet free.
Thank you
DM
Oh wait...WE CAN? Then WE SHOULD!
Call your local Congress-person or Senator and Ask about SOPA and PIPA. You can even tell them about your day to day struggles. But make sure that you tell them that we voted them in and we can vote them out!
How you find your representative
How you find your Senator
Please call them today and keep the internet free.
Thank you
DM
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