Bridging

My world is changing.  This may well be the last summer of sending kids to camps.  I will soon have 3 children in 3 different schools, 2 (well let's face it 3) sets of new attitudes and here I am, a mom trying to figure this brave new world.  So much of my life is "on hold" as I try to make sense of each step...I have to take each day one step at a time, one day at a time or I will miss everything.

I am always stressed out.  My schedule looks like the Invasion of Normandy. Every. Day.  I am drowning in emails I need to send, things I need to do.  I get super-pissy when I ask for a meeting or an email or something and I don't hear back from people.  I snap when I think people are judging me.  I get sad when I think people are ignoring me.

Life as a Mom has gotten really hard...again (!) and it actually makes me wish for 2 toddlers again (seriously).  I don't do well with change.  I want the routine.  I want the peace of mind knowing that A follows B and follows C.  Everyday is a new exception to the rules.  Everyday is a new fire to put out.

Yesterday was my last ever Junior Girl Scout meeting.  These girls are all going to different schools and joining different clubs and I don't know if they are ever going to get back together.  They gave me a book to say thank you.  A book that had a page for each of them to tell me how much I had changed their lives.  I was blown away (and yes I cried).  I needed to hear that.  In the midst of all the Chaos, I needed to hear that I helped them and made the world a better place for them and that they would take some of these lessons from Girl Scouts and bring them to their new schools.

It's funny, When my kids graduate or bridge I don't feel like I am graduating with them, but maybe I am.
Maybe I am bridging to a new part of life.   And maybe the reason I am so stressed and mad is because I really want to stay on the bridge and have both worlds.

But maybe I need to get excited about being on the other side.