I just want to be your friend...

Confession time:
I am not a subtle person.  I am not a quiet person.  If you want to know what I think about something be prepared for an honest answer.  If I am irritated about something you will know it.  I promise that although I am harsh at times I will be a loyal friend and willing to go to the ends of the earth for you.  If you call me and you need something I will do my damnedest to find a way to do it or get it to you.  If you are in trouble I will find a way to get there or find a way to listen to your needs.

Being a brash New Yorker living in subtle New England can be interesting.  Some people are completely TURNED OFF by the honesty that hits them in the face.  Some people are completely charmed by it, thinking its the breath of fresh air that is totally needed.  Sometimes I think of myself as a personification of the weather up here.  The weather can be awesome, blistering, and overwhelming. So can I.  I don't go out of my way to be ridiculous.  I have accepted that this is who I am and I am not going to hide it to be your friend.  I shouldn't have to.  I feel that honesty is better than hiding and that is what I do.

It can be difficult to raise someone who is Just. Like. You.  On one hand, you realize all the things that your parents did WRONG and you try to fix it (being more understanding, taking them out more, getting them that big wheel that you always wanted).  On the other hand you suddenly realize all the things that they may have done RIGHT, too.  When faced with that reality, I believe the best course of action should be to balance and  do the best by both worlds...and you really don't know until they are grown if what you did helped or hurt (and 7 year olds do not reply accurately to surveys and they tend to make up their own questions, too).

Each of my kids have pieces of my personality.  The Diva has my lust for the stage and my quiet thoughtfulness.  She wants to help and she will ask.  She also has my attitude when it comes to people bullying her.  She will ignore them and stand up for herself and then go to her room and isolate herself for the rest of the day.  She will even isolate herself from her few friends.  I have tried to help her with this and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  The best approach seems to be my mother's...leave her alone and she will find her way.  She may always wind up being lonely but she will have loyal friends once she finds the people who want to be around her.

The Hummingbird has all of my kinetic energy.  She is Smart.  She can multitask and take direction great.  Her brain is always 12 steps ahead of where the day is.  She is a planner.  She wants to be a part of the group but she wants it done her way and she finds it hard to compromise.  She is creative and crafty.  She turns people off with her needs-to-always-be-answering-the-questions-the-teacher/parents-ask.  She needs to know that you heard her.  The best approach for her seems to be keeping her engaged and not leaving her alone.  She has friends, the problem is that she is so busy its hard for her to see them on a regular basis.  I need to do better on this front and schedule playdates for her...if I can find the time...:)

The Boy is more like me then even *I* like to admit.  He can be blistering.  He is sensitive and will cry (or lash out) if you tease or make fun of him.  He is funny and sweet and has a great way of looking at the world but he can be pissed off at a moments notice.  He is not subtle.  He is not quiet.  He is loyal and will find a way to kiss you or hug you if you need it.  One of the best stories I heard of him was when he was at a friend's house and that friend said he hated his mother.  The Boy stood up and told his friend that he shouldn't ever say things like that.  He then went over to the mom and apologized for his friend.

The Boy is a boy...he has ALOT of energy that needs to be burned and he needs to be physical...and he lives in a house of people who are Not. Like. That.  Going out and walking, bike riding, swimming are all things he needs and we try to do this as much as we can but it can be difficult.  He needs more but he doesn't have alot of friends because he can be harsh, and loud, and uncompromising.  He also thinks that since he can't control himself all the time the way people want him to that no one likes him.  His self-esteem can get pretty low.

I have a hard time helping him because on the one hand I don't want to leave him alone (he will wallow in the fact that "nobody likes him") and on the other hand bringing him out only increases his rowdiness.  Video games seem to help him because they engage his brain so he is trying to problem solve rather than wallow...which is good....but he can't be in front of a screen all the time (or so I am told).  The best way I have found to help him is just to be there for him and let him talk and try to be gentle...which is hard for me.

You can see the bind I'm in.

I hope I am doing the right thing.  I hope my children feel that I am there for them and I am engaged.  I hope they realize how much I love them everyday...even on days where Mommy is "not happy".  I hope they realize that I am doing my best.  I pray for the strength and insight to be the best for them.

In the meantime, I could use some company.  Anyone want to hang with a Loving Loud Lady?
Raising a Glass,
DM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjVNlG5cZyQ